Thursday, May 12, 2011

Grace in Weakness

So... There's this crazy, mind-blowing, phenomenal blessing of a thing that God has given each and every one of us... You know what it is? Weakness.



You call me crazy, and my human-led part of myself calls me crazy as well, but allow me to remind you to think about this really important truth, just as God has faithfully reminded me to think about it this week.



2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.



You know that feeling... that feeling of mind exploding wonder and awe that you get when you catch even just a glimpse of the raw, unadulterated Truth? That same feeling is the feeling I get when I think of Christ's death, the state of mankind, suffering, etc... that feeling where you actually feel the weight of the deep darkness and hideousness of a thing and yet the breathtaking beauty of unparalleled purity and goodness of it, all at the same time, all weighed and observed in one hand! It's such an unspeakably amazing thing, as are other Truths that God leads us to stumble upon, and that's how I'm beginning to feel about the topic of weakness.


In most situations I just get preoccupied by weakness, get discouraged by it, and focus on it rather than the power and the plan behind the Voice that has called me to do what He has. I think it a very natural and normal process for us to find discouragement and discouragement alone when we are pulled down to look our weaknesses, brokenness, and falleness straight in the eyes...



Encouragement is needed in this area, and hopefully I can pass on, amongst this rabble of words, a taste of that hope and encouragement which God promises and sings over us!



I've lost track of time this week, but I believe it was two nights ago, I went to a Biola chapel, and heard one of the most impactful things I have heard in a very long time. A Chinese woman spoke at the chapel, a Chinese woman who had been harshly persecuted and tortured for her faith, who had such a passion for God and other people coming to know His glory, that she endured 6 years of imprisonment under the hand of the Chinese government, until God finally brought her out as a refugee to the United States.


Her story is a crazy one, and I know that thousands, if not more, believers around the world suffer from much the same thing. Which, may I add, is even crazier! And yet, in all the stories she recounted for us, the one main thing that she emphasized about herself in that experience was that she was WEAK. She was not just being humble in saying that, but I could see that literally, if God had not carried her along, if His glory, grace, and passion was not as great as it is and was, she probably would never have made it through.



WEAKNESS. We've all got it. All those who endure persecution daily have it. Missionaries across the world have it. Our greatest leaders have it. I have plenty of it, and undoubtedly so do you. The crazy thing is that none of our limitations can in any way, shape or form stop God from doing with us what He wills, nor can they disqualify us from bringing glory to His name in the ways that he created us to! I feel so limited in regards to the people I can reach, in regards to what I can actually accomplish for God's name... but all of those things that I have to work through and that have been the repeating trials of growth in my life, those things are the things that speak a better word than any other, that speak Truth in ways that can hit and encourage hearts in the ways most needed!



Weakness is disheartening, it's frustrating and difficult to deal with, think upon, and work through, but it is also one of the biggest blessings God has given us: points that remind us and remind others just how great, gracious, and wonderful our God is, and just how far His gracious hand stretches into our lives!



I've found that God has far more grace for us than we often offer ourselves, and I know, for my own part, that I need to work on that.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

To See Christ Only...

Torrey sessions (aka discussion-based classes that I'm a part of at my college) can be really long and monotonous at times. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've come to love my little group of 16 amazing friends, but sometimes after a three.hour.long.class of debate over "what existence is" my brain just starts to short circuit... That sentiment brings me to two important things that God has been pouring into me lately, only one of which I will share in this post.

First of all, I must say -in order to repair what I said above- that there is always at least one really insightful thing that I can take away from each of these 'sessions', God has definitely taught me through all of the hard work of these classes to pick up on the core truths and wisdom that underlie every work that has ever been written (whether they be dark truths or happy truths). Just the other day I picked up on one that, quite strangely, I'd never noticed before in the book of Mark, in the story of the transfiguration.

My Professor for the session (the infamous Dr. Reynolds) pointed the class to a most simple yet profound thought: Mark 9:8 says, " And suddenly, looking around, they no longer saw anyone with them, but Jesus only."

Jesus Only

On that mountain, one of the most brash and foolish of disciples, the one who probably made the most mistakes out of all of them, the one whom Christ himself called Satan was on the top of that hill, having the privilege to see Christ only, in all His glory, shining in all perfection and simplicity. And Jesus invited him there with Him, in full knowledge of what was about to happen! He invited, out of all the 12, Peter... how unique and wonderful Christ's love is for His beloved!

Peter was there, and yet was still to be the one who denied Christ three times, and then went on to be declared by Christ as the foundation of the Church... Does that boggle anyone else's mind?? I mean, in my sinfully limited mind, I think that Peter would have been the last person Christ should have wanted to give such privilege and blessing to... but then again, His ways are so much higher than my ways.

This radical overlook and forgiveness of Peter's sin gives me hope, especially since I feel like I can be a real Peter sometimes... you know, trying to have to best intentions, but often stepping out and ending up just doing or saying something really stupid... I think it's a human disease that most of us suffer from from time to time ;).

But the fact is that this story is first of all a huge testament and should serve as a HUGE encouragement to all of us sometime and full time Peters. We can never do anything too stupid or too sinful that we will be unforgivable by our loving Christ- hopefully we don't go so far as acting like Satan... but even when Peter did, Christ still invited him up that mountain!

The other thing I was reminded by in this passage is that I've lost the striving and focus that I once had to "do all things as if for God, not men"... and that here, in this passage lies the key that for some reason flipped a switch of understanding in my mind as no other has on this specific topic.

Jesus Only

The thing I came to realize is that just striving and doing things for God is a bit too "theoretical" and a lot less seemingly practical in my mind's conception of things... for some reason, when I think in the terms of that commandment it feels more like an "okay... cool... that is what I want my life to look like, to really please and live for God intentionally..." and then I run out of steam and motivation because there is nothing solid anchoring it in the deeper levels of my life!

But here in Mark I've found the best anchor I've ever found: to see Christ only.

That means not just saying "oh... God commanded this and so I'll try as best I can by my humanly power to do it"... but far more it says "Christ bought this work, He bought my life, He bought my right to an ability to think and reason, He bought my ability to love and work with people, He bought me..."

And therefore, in truth, everything I do is Christ, everything I am is Christ, everything I'm called to is Christ... and when I look at all things, even that task I'm dreading to do, I see Christ only. I no longer see the boring lecture, or that person I'd rather avoid, but millions of opportunities and things that Christ died for me to be able to experience, enjoy, and glorify Him in! This is the truth as we hardly ever perceive it.

In no way am I close to seeing this clearly in my day to day life... but now that truth is anchored in my soul, and by God's grace, may He help me and you as well to grow in this reviving perspective until I can truly say that I see nothing else, but Jesus Only!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Do you Ever Feel like...

Do you ever feel like what God has asked of you is just too big?



Here, let's downsize a little... Do you ever feel like your specific calling as a Christian, an ambassador for Christ in this world, is a little on the "ya I'd dream to do that, but I don't really expect it to ever come true" side?



I've been thinking about it lately... After years of praying and forgetting to pray for "career guidance" from God, He pretty blatantly told me over the span of a week this last semester in college that I was supposed to be a missionary... not just that, but a missionary to unreached peoples... not just that, but also in a psychologist/ counselor capacity.



Pretty intense right? I mean... we always pray that God would just be straightforward, that we would "hear His voice" more clearly, and we've grown to desire nothing but a straight and quick answer. Now, mind you, this answer has been three or four years of patience in the making, but He sure hit me smack dab between the eyes with this one.



Don't get me wrong, praise God that He saw fit to put a calling so strongly on my life that even I can't deny or shrink back from it when I feel just "too tired" or worn out to think about the long term and where all of this is going...



The fact is, though, that I often get the feeling that this is all too big... I mean, "Sure God, you've asked me to be a missionary, to share your hope, your reconciliation, your peace, your abiding love with the people of [country yet to be clarified when the time comes], but... I mean... are you sure?"...



And then the thoughts and the conversation trails off into a list as long as a roll of toilet paper running, hopping, bouncing, unravelling down a spiral staircase... just continually revealing the doubt after limitation after weakness that's within me.



But then I really think about it...



We all have limitless limitations, faults, doubts, and power issues in our lives.




None of us are capable of taking the gospel to a people and making them believe without God's help.



None of us are perfectly equipped for anything we are asked to do in this life...



I mean, look at David... he was asked by God to slay a giant... with a slingshot... I'd say he was pretty limited and poorly equipped for that feat, and yet God used that little boy to accomplish it!




Isn't that what it's all about? How could we ever learn anything if it weren't so?! It's in the testing of our limitations, the disciplining and "beating" of our bodies, as Paul puts it, that we become anything.


And even then... we aren't anything without the God who saved us.



This world, this plan, this thing that we call a Call may seem way too big for me, and that may daunt me at times, but that's the point. If I could do it all, there would be no power in it, because my power is nothing, and it won't impact a thing... but what God has been teaching me this past year is that at my weakest point, His power is at it's greatest, and it's those moments in which we can learn the most and make the biggest impact for God.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

To Sit and Listen

An Older man who grew up in England but, much to his demise, didn't begin to love cheese until later in life when he had moved away from that land of phenomenal cheeses. A woman in her later 80's in a flannel shirt who had just taken her Orange tabby cat with 3/4 inch length fur into the vet coming in to buy two ballerina ornaments for her 94 year old friend. The 94 year old Nina who used to be a ballerina and ballet teacher in Russia and has just been approved for 4 more years of using her driver's license. My Father telling me from experience to live towards and never forget my dreams and goals...


It's amazing what you can learn when you just sit and listen to people and their life experiences.

In fact, there may be no greater human agent than the bare truth of a person's testimonies.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

India 7/26/2010

Hello dear friends and family members! Most of you already know, but God did bring my team and I back from India safely, three days ago. The past six weeks were so packed and such a blur that now that I’m back It’s sometimes hard to believe any of it even happened. But memories and pictures of all of the new, amazing people we got to meet there help keep it real.

In short, here is how our trip went down: Days 1-3 were flying and travelling days. We missed our connecting flight in London, so God blessed us with an entire afternoon exploring the beautiful city! After two more flights (around 20 hrs. flying in total), some complicated taxi rides, and a bus ride, we arrived safely at the Mission India Seminary in Nagpur, India. For the first week of our trip we attended chapel at the Bible College, got to know some of the staff and students there, spent time at the orphanage there, and also worked in their library (helping with cataloguing, organizing, etc.).

The campus was huge and beautiful, and the people there were such a blessing. Almost every student and faculty member that we talked to had insane testimonies about how God called them and drew them in by extreme healings and miracles. One of our friends named Poornima had been married to a Hindu man who beat her, had two children by the age of 16, and then was abandoned by her husband who took her two children and married another woman! Somehow in all of that difficulty and distress she found God and He called her out of her darkness and into the Mission India Bible College. Please pray for her, she still struggles with a lot of health issues and sadness from being separated from her children.

After those few days, we boarded a 16 hour, non-AC sleeper train (which was QUITE the adventure… let’s just say it was very hot and very over-crowded, all in all a rare and awesome experience) to Delhi, then switched train stations and took 6 hour AC train to Haldwani, India. We were picked up at the train station and transported to the Haldwani Mission India campus where we spent about 3 ½ weeks. There we met David and Bindu Lukos who run the campus and orphanage (the campus was one huge building that included the chapel and classroom, dorms for the orphanage and students and the Lukos’ house). Our team had hoped and expected to be able to do some outreach with the Hindu people in the area, but this did not end up happening. If the church does overt outreach, it is under cover due to persecution of the Christian church. But God showed us that there are so many other ways that He can use us!

So, while there, we got to participate in VBS, in the nightly campus chapels, got to play with the kids in the orphanage every day (there were around 25, and sadly 2 more were added to the original number while we were staying there), got to visit a leprosy colony and talk to the people there, got to minister and meet with Christians in various churches hidden in the city, and got to play with and feed a group of 20+ mentally handicapped men. We also got to teach Bible classes for a week! So, basically in every ministry that we did, God was breaking the false expectations that many of us, including myself, had.

I guess somewhere deep down I had this conception of what I thought a mission trip should look like(something with a lot more evangelism and a lot more hard manual labor) and was expecting to get to participate in things where the result and impact were “greater” or rather more readily seen. Whatever my conception was, it apparently did not include spending hours on end pushing children on swings, helping children with their homework, talking about the reason we were there only with Christian people, re organizing book shelves, or baking cookies that hardened into rocks. I truly believe that God did use us in a great way and that though our impact wasn’t the one we had “hoped” for, our very presence had one! What the Indian churches needed most was love and encouragement, not a building project. Thank God that this was His plan, and thank God for all He taught me through all of these little things, and for the other things He taught us…

… Like patience! In the first week in Haldwani our group was faced with the difficulties of overcoming the cultural and language barriers with our hosts. There were a lot of misunderstandings due to poor communication and the limited English speaking ability of the people on the Haldwani campus. But once we prayed, talked it out, and took up an extra measure of patience we were able to overcome the frustration and have a much more positive experience for the following weeks!

After our time in Haldwani we travelled back to Delhi where we took a bus to Agra for a day and saw… drum roll… THE TAJ MAHAL! It was beautiful… and I got to drive a bicycle rickshaw for a bit on the way back! ☺ We drove back to Delhi that night, stayed in a hotel, and then saw all sorts of famous sites in the city the next day. We saw some tombs and temples, including the tomb of Mahatma Gandhi.

After our sightseeing was done, we took two lovely AC sleeper trains back to Nagpur where we were welcomed by our old friends. It felt like we were being welcomed home ☺. We spent five more days on Nagpur campus, serving in the same ministries as before. On our last day, they had a goodbye ceremony for us and later some of the girls came by and gave all of us henna tattoos. We departed the night of the 22nd and had smooth travels and flight connections all the way through, which was quite the miracle in itself!

There is so much that I could say on the whole about this trip. The trip took all of us off guard and God broke all of our expectations, which turned out to be a great blessing once we processed through the initial frustrations. I can say without a doubt though that the past six weeks have taught me to be endlessly more thankful for every little thing in life. A big thing God taught me while I was gone was that I have so much to rejoice in and yet often focus on things that cause me not to. Even in the darkest times, at least I have a savior and a lover of my soul watching out for me and pulling me through. The Indian people we met have so much joy in even the smallest and simplest things, and amongst all of the difficulties and frustrations of travelling it was refreshing and encouraging to be reminded of the joy that is found in Christ.

I also learned a bit about spiritual warfare on this trip. In the midst of God working in my life and showing me the key to a joy-filled life, I felt great oppression, loneliness and even doubt in God and His truth. I’ve learned a lot through the process, including the importance of loving God with ALL my mind and strength. God has shown me a lot about the magnitude and reality of His love. Please pray for me as He brings me through this learning process! There may be pain in the night, but His joy comes in the morning!

Christ is sovereign and to be glorified in all that we do, even pushing a kid on a swing. He is our reward in heaven, we shouldn’t feel the need to or expect gratification from the things we do for God on this earth, though He is faithful and never fails to bless the lives of those who serve Him.

Praise God for all He did, all He is doing, and all the things He has yet to do! Thank you all for your blessing of praying for and financially supporting my team and I and for allowing me to have the honor of this awesome experience! As they say often in India: “God is good: all the time, all the time: God is good!”. (please check out www.teamindia2010.tumblr if you haven’t already).

With Love and Gratitude,
Kendall Robins :)

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

A Foggy Day in Londontown...

So... this post is technically about India... But I did get to spend an afternoon in London due to a missed flight on our way to India(Daaaang it ;)) AND as we were landing in London on the way back, it was a foggy day and it made me reminisce about listening to this Michael Buble song with my roommates.

Anyways... :) this is one of a couple/ a few posts I will write to update you all on INDIYUH! This first post will be more fun, the next will be more logistical and detailed!!

While I was in India I kept a daily(ish) journal on what happened and wrote "a lesson a day" for the number of days I was in India. I also wrote a list of things I will miss most and things I wont miss so much about India. Hope it can give you an initial feel of how the trip went :D.

Lesson #1: Don't ever kill a bug and leave it, it will get devoured by a trail of some 10 million odd ants...

Lesson #2: Always carry a flashlight.

Lesson #3: Bobby pins and hair clips make fairly decent clothes pins ;).

Lesson #4: Always take a rain jacket and sweatshirt to India... believe it or not you actually CAN get very cold and very wet.

Lesson #5: No matter how sketch other people might think it is, always bring a sharpened pocket knife or folding blade :).

Lesson #6: Palmfrond brooms make superb bug killing devices :).

Lesson #7: Always carry extra water and be prepared to roll with anything.

Lesson #8: Always be prepared... to be completely unprepared ;), there's no telling what could happen.

Lesson #9: Triple check that you have multiple contacts when you have a large group travelling through a foreign country who can speak both your language and the native language.

Lesson #10: Countertop cleaner (aka. Mr. Muscle) is very effective against giant flying Indian cockroaches!

Lesson #11: Never go for a walk without your camera!!

Lesson #12: Rain is one of the sweetest blessings!

Lesson #13: Always utilize your rickshaw room! 15 people in one is good ;).

Lesson #14: God is bigger than anything and mighty to save!

Lesson #15: Always wear A LOT of bug spray in a jungle...

Lesson #16: Never. Ever. Ever.... EVER even think about trying to drive in India... It's way too complicated :).

Lesson #17: Indians take tea very seriously :).

Lesson #18: The Truth of God is more powerful than Satan.

Lesson #19: Never make overly emphatic remarks about things to your hosts... they take them seriously to the extreme ;).

Lesson #20: God's Word is full of life and we must be rooted in it daily. He must become greater, we must become less!

Lesson #21: Take time daily to stand back in awe of God.

Lesson #22: The influences of a roommate do stick with a person, no matter how far away they go.

Lesson #23: No kind of deformity or physical ailment of this world can and should be allowed to lessen our joy in God.

Lesson #24: It is an amazing blessing to feed a mouth that cannot feed itself and rejoice and laugh with those that society deems as "handicapped".

Lesson #25: We can do nothing worthwhile or good apart from Christ, therefore He must be in control, supreme, and our source of joy.

Lesson #26: There are so many simple things that we take for granted in the states, like: consistent power, smooth roads, cars with forward facing seats, clean smells, digestive health... and the list goes ever on and on...

Lesson #27: Always be sure to give Alex Goedhart a guitar and have her improv a song ;).

Lesson #28: Goodbyes are always hard :/...

Lesson #29: It's not possible to get tired of naan (delicious Indian bread).

Lesson #30: We serve a Living God who hears and answers prayers.

Lesson #31: Don't let cross-cultural frustrations get in the way of your view of a situation.

Lesson #32: AC sleeper trains are da-BOMB!

Lesson #33: Almost anything tastes good on top of roti (Indian tortilla-like things :))

Lesson #34: Be prepared to feel foreign to your body by the end of a long trip.

Lesson #35: Take the time to appreciate the artistry and talent of others.

Lesson #36: British Airways' abbreviation is B-A for good reason ;).

Lesson #37: You can't beat jet lag... no matter how hard you strive against it, it will overcome...

Lesson #38: I must go back to England someday :).

Lesson #39: Always remember to thank God for all the blessings and gifts He bestows :).

Those are just some of the lessons I learned while in India :). Aaaand, here are two lists:

Some of the Things I Will Miss Most:
-Rickshaw rides through the cities.
-The mercy home kids.
-The dance and music of India.
-The fresh fruit (mangoesssss!).
-Cassidy Hursey and Sam Thompson. (two great people I got to meet on this trip!)
-Having so much free time to reflect on the Word and spend time with God.
-The Taj Mahal :D
-Having tea time 3-4 times a day :).
-The people!!
-The simplicity of joy there.
-Getting to work in their library full of centuries of Christian knowledge.
-The beautiful wood and metal work, or, in short, the ancient Indian architecture styles :).
-Hearing people's amazing testimonies!!
-Amazing coffee.
-The vast array of sounds that come out of vehicles when someone honks the horn.
-The market places ^_^.
-The COLORS!
-The elephants :).
-The wide array of interesting transportation.
-The friendliness, hospitality and kindness of the Indian people!
-The henna :).
-Getting to see God work in such a different way in such a different place!! :)

Some Things I May Or May Not Miss Too Very Much ;):
-unreliable power (aka unreliable sanctuary from the heat)
-unreliable plumbing
-unreliable source and amount of toilet paper.
-dehydration, diziness and nausea.
-the heat and humidity.
-the frustration of a big language barrier.
-the crowdedness.
-being treated like a pop star (aka: being stared at and taken pictures of all the time)
-getting sick.
-the cries of children as their parents drop them off and leave them at the mercy homes :(.
-the amount of trash and varrying smells everywhere.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Chronicles of India- Chapter 4

WOW.... I can't believe it, but in two days I leave to begin my journey, and after three I will be more than halfway across the world!!

It's amazing to see how far God has brought me through this process! He has brought me and my team through every obstacle, no matter how insurmountable they have seemed. It has become more and more apparent to us that this trip is ordained by God, and I cannot wait to see all that He does with it!!

Please, please pray for the 8 of us as we go to India!! Pray for health, for safety, for guidance and wisdom, for great compassion, and for all the little details, like luggage making it there, not getting things stolen, etc. There are so many little things that can go wrong with a trip like this, but all it takes is a little annointing in prayer, some faith in God, and He will take care of all of that!! :) Love you all, and thanks in advance for your support in prayer!!

for updates over the next month please visit http://teamindia2010.tumblr.com :)