Once I was welcomed onto the team, we all had our first team meeting together. It was awesome to meet the other seven people that I would be spending the next few months working beside. And yet, there was something not quite so awesome about the meeting.
We found out that each of us needed to have $330 by that friday... meaning, two days later.
Why, you ask? We had to put down a downpayment for our flights and pay the Mission Union, all of this adding up to more than three hundred dollars.... In TWO days...
We all looked at our leaders wide-eyed when they gave the announcement, but leaving that room at 11'oclock that night, I had a courage and purpose in my heart to try my best to gather/make as much money as I could the next day, since Wednesday was the only time I had to do anything about it.
Wednesday morning I woke up, a little anxious and nervous about what the day would hold. As I was praying, I realized that $330 dollars was something I didn't have and could certainly not accumulate on my own, so I boldly prayed out of faith that God would completely take this day in His hands and bring me the $330, that I could not do it, and that I had faith that He certainly would.
So I woke up in the morning... and I didn't live my life like a newly popular hip hop song, but I did post signs all over my floor saying that I would be doing henna all day in my room, and that anyone could get a tattoo for $3.
Then I went to classes, having already made about 7 appointments with girls on my floor for henna, I felt amazed at how God was already working.
I had also shot out emails to a few different groups of people: I therefore had scattered meeting with friends and a meeting at 9 at my church with the choir I had just recently joined.
Long story short, I did TONS of henna, I was running across campus all day, and it was the most busy day of my life. BUT, by 6:00 I had somehow, by God's grace, accumulated $180! So crazy. And I knew that I had that meeting with my church in just a couple hours.
So, a bit before 9, I hopped in my car and jetted over to my church. Now, I felt so uncomfortable doing this, and almost turned back multiple times. I hardly even know this community yet, and I felt so weird asking anything of them, let alone large sums of money (obstacle 1).
I got to the church and obstacle 2 hit: the doors were locked. I could see the choir... so close, yet so far! So, I determined that I wouldn't let that phase me, and waited. Thank God, someone finally came out, saw me, and let me in.
Then, of course, obstacle 3 hit. The rehearsal was supposed to be over at 9, and I was supposed to go tell them about my trip (the choir director had invited me to when I sent him an email). Only problem was, by 9:15, they were still going strong, and I had a meeting I had to be at at 9:30.
I felt so torn and so uncomfortable, but despite the strong urge to just give up and leave, God cemented my heart in that pew and held me there until they finally concluded at 9:30.
So I took a deep breath and made my way up to the stage, to stand in front of 50+ almost complete strangers who were all much older than me. I took another deep breath, and began to tell them about my trip, my passion for what God was doing, and my need.
It was extremely uncomfortable, but I was completely transparent and helpless in front of these people, stepping out in the faith that God wasn't having me do this for no reason.
And you want to know what? I was NOT for no reason :) with God I honestly don't think anything ever is!
As I was walking off the stage, a man from the band said he wanted to cover the whole $330! And I was hardly able to step off the stage before I was bombarded with hugs, prayers, encouragements, wise words amongst other things like checks and large bills (not the bird kind mind you ;)).
One of the women said an amazingly true thing to me: "I know it's difficult and uncomfortable, but how is the Body of Christ supposed to meet a need if they don't know about it."
After saying many thanks I walked out of there in awe of God and the amazing community that I didn't even know existed before that moment! I was so encouraged and stunned that I didn't even care to look at the wad of money that I had stuffed in my backpack.
I took the money straight into my leaders and the missions office.
Later that night, I found out the sum of money... The church alone had given me just under $500.00!!! That plus around $200 that I had made earlier....
I can't even accurately describe the feeling of utter awe that I had in God for the rest of the night... for the rest of that week, for the rest of my life I'll carry that memory with me.
God is SO good! Or, as one of my professors said this week, "God is the goodest good, far gooder than what our word 'good' can describe". He never ceases to amaze me, and His provision just affirmed in me even more the knowledge that India is exactly where I am supposed to be this summer, no more doubts about it!!
You know, it is SO difficult to live day to day on complete, blind faith, and I figure not many of us actually ever experience the purity of that. That one day, perhaps the first day I had ever experienced it fully, was so legitimately amazing that I know for a fact I shall never forget it, nor the mightily capabe hand of God.
And, Praise God, two weeks later, my team on a whole has $10, 400.00 of the $28,000.00 that we need to have by around the end of May. PRAISE GOD! He is providing so much for us, and being so faithful in encouragement.
Continue to pray for us as we proceed on this crazy adventure God is leading us through!
Namaste,
~Kendall
Friday, April 23, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Chronicles of India- Chapter 1
Hey! So, as most of you most of you likely already know, I am going on a missions trip to India this summer! Me and a group of seven others have the amazing opportunity to go to areas in and around Nagpur and Nanital India. We will start in central India (Nagpur), and work our way north to Nanital (up in the Himalayas! :D).
It's actually an amazing thing that I even got on this trip to begin with. Deadlines for Biola missions trips were like... two months ago?
What happened was, missions conference just so happened to focus a lot on India this year, and therefore in a session the missionary union president announced that the mission team going to India this summer was in need of more members to make a full team. He encouraged all of us to pray and consider this opportunity.
So I did. I took the risk of mentioning it to God... knowing in the back of my mind the risk of what I was doing :). Little did I know the crazy adventure the following two weeks would be!
The very next day, once missions conference was over, the idea of the trip was weighing heavily on my heart. I felt the need to act, but I didn't really know if it was just emotional hype, personal excitement for the opportunity, or actually God's voice and will calling me. So, as I felt the urge to run as fast as I could into the Student Missionary Union building as I passed by. But I restrained myself and kept walking, confused about what I was feeling and why.
But I soon noticed that though I kept putting the thought aside, in order to parse out God's voice from my own jumbled thoughts, the trip just kept on chasing me all day long. One of the team leaders passed by my window an hour later, and I had the very same excited urge to fling myself at the window, thrust it open and yell out her name.
But I restrained myself.
Then I went to get mexican food with my roommate Brenna, and we got onto talking about missions trips, life callings, and all that good stuff! I couldn't deny or hold in the idea any longer. I told her my thoughts and she encouraged me to put myself up for it like I felt I should.
So I took up faith.
I had no idea what I was doing exactly, or even if it was God's will that I go to India in the summer. But, knowing full well that God desired me to apply, I had faith and trusted that His perfect will would prevail and submitted myself to His control, passing in to the Missions office my completed application two days later.
I heard nothing for a week.
At first, I could hardly handle the uncertainty and waiting. But then I remembered that if I was meant to go, God would place me on the team and if I didn't get on, well "there is no safer place to be than in the center of God's will".
So I took up faith.
I got called in for an interview. Then waited some more.
Then, on one glorious day (just a couple days later) I got a message in my inbox saying that "I was officially a part of team india"!!! I was so excited that I started tearing up :). I was just so relieved, so encouraged, and so excited that God had given me this opportunity.
I was still slightly hesitant at whether or not this was just me or truly God's will. I figured out a bit later that this was a foolish notion, and that it was only because the trip wasn't really solidified yet that I felt this way. But a week later I attended my first team meeting, met everyone, and it suddenly became real.
To be continued...
It's actually an amazing thing that I even got on this trip to begin with. Deadlines for Biola missions trips were like... two months ago?
What happened was, missions conference just so happened to focus a lot on India this year, and therefore in a session the missionary union president announced that the mission team going to India this summer was in need of more members to make a full team. He encouraged all of us to pray and consider this opportunity.
So I did. I took the risk of mentioning it to God... knowing in the back of my mind the risk of what I was doing :). Little did I know the crazy adventure the following two weeks would be!
The very next day, once missions conference was over, the idea of the trip was weighing heavily on my heart. I felt the need to act, but I didn't really know if it was just emotional hype, personal excitement for the opportunity, or actually God's voice and will calling me. So, as I felt the urge to run as fast as I could into the Student Missionary Union building as I passed by. But I restrained myself and kept walking, confused about what I was feeling and why.
But I soon noticed that though I kept putting the thought aside, in order to parse out God's voice from my own jumbled thoughts, the trip just kept on chasing me all day long. One of the team leaders passed by my window an hour later, and I had the very same excited urge to fling myself at the window, thrust it open and yell out her name.
But I restrained myself.
Then I went to get mexican food with my roommate Brenna, and we got onto talking about missions trips, life callings, and all that good stuff! I couldn't deny or hold in the idea any longer. I told her my thoughts and she encouraged me to put myself up for it like I felt I should.
So I took up faith.
I had no idea what I was doing exactly, or even if it was God's will that I go to India in the summer. But, knowing full well that God desired me to apply, I had faith and trusted that His perfect will would prevail and submitted myself to His control, passing in to the Missions office my completed application two days later.
I heard nothing for a week.
At first, I could hardly handle the uncertainty and waiting. But then I remembered that if I was meant to go, God would place me on the team and if I didn't get on, well "there is no safer place to be than in the center of God's will".
So I took up faith.
I got called in for an interview. Then waited some more.
Then, on one glorious day (just a couple days later) I got a message in my inbox saying that "I was officially a part of team india"!!! I was so excited that I started tearing up :). I was just so relieved, so encouraged, and so excited that God had given me this opportunity.
I was still slightly hesitant at whether or not this was just me or truly God's will. I figured out a bit later that this was a foolish notion, and that it was only because the trip wasn't really solidified yet that I felt this way. But a week later I attended my first team meeting, met everyone, and it suddenly became real.
To be continued...
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Four Distinct Lessons
So, as some of you know, I am currently in my fourth semester of college, and being that I am almost halfway done (and that I'm just naturally a reflective sort of person), I have begun looking back on these past two crazy, amazing, phenomenal, out-of-control years that God has brought me through.
When I look back I've discovered that every semester something significant has occurred in my life that has greatly formed and changed who I am. So, the following is the breakdown of How I have seen and am currently seeing God work in my life:
Semester 1: Confrontation. Breakup.
I have always been a person who hates confrontation, and until around the time of my first semester of college, I would have ran away from any confrontation, guaranteed. This shyness and foolishly-patient tolerance problem, as you can imagine, did not mesh well with a failing long distance relationship.
First Semester of college, I made the mistake of taking a shot at a long distance relationship... What did I find out? That it was NOT for me. Or, at least not for the "me" back then. All the distance showed me about that relationship was how little I actually had in common with my high school boyfriend, and how much my college growth was causing an even greater chasm between me and him.
Our communication was terrible and little by little I was falling apart as I tried to patch up a relationship that was bursting apart in all directions. Did I tell anyone, ask for prayer or share my concerns? Never. All of the hurt that I was feeling from that broken relationship caused me to back away further and further from the community around me. I was paralyzed from forming friendships because I just didn't have the time or energy to put into them. (Now, mind you, I did make two of my best friends ever -who are now my roommates- that semester)
I feel the need to say sorry again for all of the people I shirked and the relationships I neglected that semester... It was not intentional, but at that point in my life, all I had the energy to do was struggle to deal with my own problems.
In this, I learned a lot more about what a weakness my inability to stand up against wrongs to myself was. Finally, in finals week, the stress from tests and the thoughts of going home and having to deal with everything hit me. I broke down. My friend Brenna entered a scene of me sitting on the floor, crying pathetically, surrounded by Torrey books... That's when I finally confided, finally let it all out, and finally was able to gain enough courage to do what I should have done months before: confront the wrongs of the situation and end things.
So, I went home, met with him, I stood up for myself, and we broke things off. One of the best, yet hardest things I had done so far in my life. It was so difficult for me to put myself out there and to let myself feel awkward and to put myself into a situation that could possibly hurt a person that I cared about. All sorts of things scared me about the situation... But God strengthened me, brought me through a hard semester, and taught me, finally, how to stand up for myself and confront people when they wrong and hurt me, rather than just tolerating it for the sake of not making waves.
Semester 2: Acceptance. Reinvention.
After experiencing a complete release from the overtones of criticism that existed in my high school environment, I was able to move on and embrace the place that I was in. I had finally really arrived at Biola. I was blessed with rooming with one of my new best friends :), and my friends Brenna and Jojo were slowly teaching me through their examples to be more accepting of my own quirks, nerdiness and all the little things that make up "me" that I had been supressing and afraid of for so long due to my past environment.
I learned the importance of embracing and being content in each and every circumstance that God placed me in, considering constantly that He put me there for a reason and therefore I needed to enjoy the people and events around me. I learned to be present always, and to make my mind engage the present rather than allowing it to be distracted, possibly making me lose sight of what God had for me to learn in that given situation.
But, most of all, as I said in the beginning, God taught me to be way more outgoing and to have way more acceptance, love, and appreciation for who He created me to be as an individual :). I now have little to no shame, and no longer care if I come off as being weird, because I know those who are worth my time will be loving and accepting of me no matter what I do, just as God is :).
Semester 3: A New Lesson on Love. Death.
My third semester was quite the whirlwind of events. The very first weekend started off with an amazing adventure with five friends of mine to a 200 ft. tall, illuminated cross at the top of a hill in the middle of Hollywood, at 12 0'clock at night. One of the most adventurous, most unique and best experiences of my life so far, but you can read more about it in the link above if you're curious.
Only a week or two later, that amazing, hyped up, joyous experience was juxtaposed against a horrible series of phone calls that I received from my mother. I was trying to sleep in like I do every Saturday morning, when I realized that my phone kept vibrating. I figured that that was an odd occurence, so I climbed down out of my bunk bed and checked my phone. I felt like it was pointless to listen to the three voice mail messages and saw that I had multiple missed calls from both my brother and mom.
I called my mother back and heard a strained voice on the other line say that my grandfather -who had been suffering from colon cancer for a few years- had decided to take his own life with one of his hunting guns. His next door neighbor apparently heard, ran next door, found the scene and alerted the authorities, who alerted my mother, who then alerted me.
My grandfather was not saved, he was the first person close to me who has ever died, and he died by committing suicide. These three things combined with the inability for me to properly comfort and be with my mother through the difficult time was extremely hard to handle. It took me at least a few weeks to just start getting over it, but through all the grief, discomfort and questions God showed me so much goodness, beauty and truth. It's amazing how He can do that in the ugliest of situations.
I learned so much about love, and especially about receiving it. It was an amazing and humbling experience to see the community around me gather, comfort and pray over me. I also learned all the more to truly value the relationships that I have and be ever present in each circumstance so that I don't miss anything God might have for me or an opportunity to serve others.
Semester 4: Brokenness and Faith. Cross-cultural Missions.
In my current semester, God is yet again doing a substantial and significant thing in my life. As you can see partially from my prior blog, God has been teaching me so much through my x-cultural and ethnic psychology class this semester. He has been truly teaching me and showing me the importance of allowing my heart to be broken by the things that break His. It comes fairly easy to me, but God has taught me that I need to utilize that and remember how valuable an ability it is to have.
Also, through the many things that have led me into being on a mission team going to India this summer, God has shown me a new meaning and reality of faith. Living life out of faith is the only way to live it! Though it is so hard to always live a life fully surrendered to God and His purposes, it is a far better life to live than any other. If you want to know more about the work He is and will be doing with India, read the posts soon to come on my blog, I will be keeping a journal of all of the major processes and events of the trip :).
It amazes me how God has not allowed a semester to go by without teaching or doing some great work in my life. In the good things and even the most terrible, praise be to God that He has given me the strength to find the good and beauty in each and every situation. Praise God that I haven't yet lost myself, but have been drawn closer and taught to cast myself even more fully upon His grace.
I am somewhat fearful, yet faithful and excited about what my future holds. May God continue to teach and grow me into the women He wishes to form, and may I never resist, but, in great awe, trust His name through all things, even through the periods of confusion and misunderstanding. :)
When I look back I've discovered that every semester something significant has occurred in my life that has greatly formed and changed who I am. So, the following is the breakdown of How I have seen and am currently seeing God work in my life:
Semester 1: Confrontation. Breakup.
I have always been a person who hates confrontation, and until around the time of my first semester of college, I would have ran away from any confrontation, guaranteed. This shyness and foolishly-patient tolerance problem, as you can imagine, did not mesh well with a failing long distance relationship.
First Semester of college, I made the mistake of taking a shot at a long distance relationship... What did I find out? That it was NOT for me. Or, at least not for the "me" back then. All the distance showed me about that relationship was how little I actually had in common with my high school boyfriend, and how much my college growth was causing an even greater chasm between me and him.
Our communication was terrible and little by little I was falling apart as I tried to patch up a relationship that was bursting apart in all directions. Did I tell anyone, ask for prayer or share my concerns? Never. All of the hurt that I was feeling from that broken relationship caused me to back away further and further from the community around me. I was paralyzed from forming friendships because I just didn't have the time or energy to put into them. (Now, mind you, I did make two of my best friends ever -who are now my roommates- that semester)
I feel the need to say sorry again for all of the people I shirked and the relationships I neglected that semester... It was not intentional, but at that point in my life, all I had the energy to do was struggle to deal with my own problems.
In this, I learned a lot more about what a weakness my inability to stand up against wrongs to myself was. Finally, in finals week, the stress from tests and the thoughts of going home and having to deal with everything hit me. I broke down. My friend Brenna entered a scene of me sitting on the floor, crying pathetically, surrounded by Torrey books... That's when I finally confided, finally let it all out, and finally was able to gain enough courage to do what I should have done months before: confront the wrongs of the situation and end things.
So, I went home, met with him, I stood up for myself, and we broke things off. One of the best, yet hardest things I had done so far in my life. It was so difficult for me to put myself out there and to let myself feel awkward and to put myself into a situation that could possibly hurt a person that I cared about. All sorts of things scared me about the situation... But God strengthened me, brought me through a hard semester, and taught me, finally, how to stand up for myself and confront people when they wrong and hurt me, rather than just tolerating it for the sake of not making waves.
Semester 2: Acceptance. Reinvention.
After experiencing a complete release from the overtones of criticism that existed in my high school environment, I was able to move on and embrace the place that I was in. I had finally really arrived at Biola. I was blessed with rooming with one of my new best friends :), and my friends Brenna and Jojo were slowly teaching me through their examples to be more accepting of my own quirks, nerdiness and all the little things that make up "me" that I had been supressing and afraid of for so long due to my past environment.
I learned the importance of embracing and being content in each and every circumstance that God placed me in, considering constantly that He put me there for a reason and therefore I needed to enjoy the people and events around me. I learned to be present always, and to make my mind engage the present rather than allowing it to be distracted, possibly making me lose sight of what God had for me to learn in that given situation.
But, most of all, as I said in the beginning, God taught me to be way more outgoing and to have way more acceptance, love, and appreciation for who He created me to be as an individual :). I now have little to no shame, and no longer care if I come off as being weird, because I know those who are worth my time will be loving and accepting of me no matter what I do, just as God is :).
Semester 3: A New Lesson on Love. Death.
My third semester was quite the whirlwind of events. The very first weekend started off with an amazing adventure with five friends of mine to a 200 ft. tall, illuminated cross at the top of a hill in the middle of Hollywood, at 12 0'clock at night. One of the most adventurous, most unique and best experiences of my life so far, but you can read more about it in the link above if you're curious.
Only a week or two later, that amazing, hyped up, joyous experience was juxtaposed against a horrible series of phone calls that I received from my mother. I was trying to sleep in like I do every Saturday morning, when I realized that my phone kept vibrating. I figured that that was an odd occurence, so I climbed down out of my bunk bed and checked my phone. I felt like it was pointless to listen to the three voice mail messages and saw that I had multiple missed calls from both my brother and mom.
I called my mother back and heard a strained voice on the other line say that my grandfather -who had been suffering from colon cancer for a few years- had decided to take his own life with one of his hunting guns. His next door neighbor apparently heard, ran next door, found the scene and alerted the authorities, who alerted my mother, who then alerted me.
My grandfather was not saved, he was the first person close to me who has ever died, and he died by committing suicide. These three things combined with the inability for me to properly comfort and be with my mother through the difficult time was extremely hard to handle. It took me at least a few weeks to just start getting over it, but through all the grief, discomfort and questions God showed me so much goodness, beauty and truth. It's amazing how He can do that in the ugliest of situations.
I learned so much about love, and especially about receiving it. It was an amazing and humbling experience to see the community around me gather, comfort and pray over me. I also learned all the more to truly value the relationships that I have and be ever present in each circumstance so that I don't miss anything God might have for me or an opportunity to serve others.
Semester 4: Brokenness and Faith. Cross-cultural Missions.
In my current semester, God is yet again doing a substantial and significant thing in my life. As you can see partially from my prior blog, God has been teaching me so much through my x-cultural and ethnic psychology class this semester. He has been truly teaching me and showing me the importance of allowing my heart to be broken by the things that break His. It comes fairly easy to me, but God has taught me that I need to utilize that and remember how valuable an ability it is to have.
Also, through the many things that have led me into being on a mission team going to India this summer, God has shown me a new meaning and reality of faith. Living life out of faith is the only way to live it! Though it is so hard to always live a life fully surrendered to God and His purposes, it is a far better life to live than any other. If you want to know more about the work He is and will be doing with India, read the posts soon to come on my blog, I will be keeping a journal of all of the major processes and events of the trip :).
It amazes me how God has not allowed a semester to go by without teaching or doing some great work in my life. In the good things and even the most terrible, praise be to God that He has given me the strength to find the good and beauty in each and every situation. Praise God that I haven't yet lost myself, but have been drawn closer and taught to cast myself even more fully upon His grace.
I am somewhat fearful, yet faithful and excited about what my future holds. May God continue to teach and grow me into the women He wishes to form, and may I never resist, but, in great awe, trust His name through all things, even through the periods of confusion and misunderstanding. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)