India 7/26/2010
Hello dear friends and family members! Most of you already know, but God did bring my team and I back from India safely, three days ago. The past six weeks were so packed and such a blur that now that I’m back It’s sometimes hard to believe any of it even happened. But memories and pictures of all of the new, amazing people we got to meet there help keep it real.
In short, here is how our trip went down: Days 1-3 were flying and travelling days. We missed our connecting flight in London, so God blessed us with an entire afternoon exploring the beautiful city! After two more flights (around 20 hrs. flying in total), some complicated taxi rides, and a bus ride, we arrived safely at the Mission India Seminary in Nagpur, India. For the first week of our trip we attended chapel at the Bible College, got to know some of the staff and students there, spent time at the orphanage there, and also worked in their library (helping with cataloguing, organizing, etc.).
The campus was huge and beautiful, and the people there were such a blessing. Almost every student and faculty member that we talked to had insane testimonies about how God called them and drew them in by extreme healings and miracles. One of our friends named Poornima had been married to a Hindu man who beat her, had two children by the age of 16, and then was abandoned by her husband who took her two children and married another woman! Somehow in all of that difficulty and distress she found God and He called her out of her darkness and into the Mission India Bible College. Please pray for her, she still struggles with a lot of health issues and sadness from being separated from her children.
After those few days, we boarded a 16 hour, non-AC sleeper train (which was QUITE the adventure… let’s just say it was very hot and very over-crowded, all in all a rare and awesome experience) to Delhi, then switched train stations and took 6 hour AC train to Haldwani, India. We were picked up at the train station and transported to the Haldwani Mission India campus where we spent about 3 ½ weeks. There we met David and Bindu Lukos who run the campus and orphanage (the campus was one huge building that included the chapel and classroom, dorms for the orphanage and students and the Lukos’ house). Our team had hoped and expected to be able to do some outreach with the Hindu people in the area, but this did not end up happening. If the church does overt outreach, it is under cover due to persecution of the Christian church. But God showed us that there are so many other ways that He can use us!
So, while there, we got to participate in VBS, in the nightly campus chapels, got to play with the kids in the orphanage every day (there were around 25, and sadly 2 more were added to the original number while we were staying there), got to visit a leprosy colony and talk to the people there, got to minister and meet with Christians in various churches hidden in the city, and got to play with and feed a group of 20+ mentally handicapped men. We also got to teach Bible classes for a week! So, basically in every ministry that we did, God was breaking the false expectations that many of us, including myself, had.
I guess somewhere deep down I had this conception of what I thought a mission trip should look like(something with a lot more evangelism and a lot more hard manual labor) and was expecting to get to participate in things where the result and impact were “greater” or rather more readily seen. Whatever my conception was, it apparently did not include spending hours on end pushing children on swings, helping children with their homework, talking about the reason we were there only with Christian people, re organizing book shelves, or baking cookies that hardened into rocks. I truly believe that God did use us in a great way and that though our impact wasn’t the one we had “hoped” for, our very presence had one! What the Indian churches needed most was love and encouragement, not a building project. Thank God that this was His plan, and thank God for all He taught me through all of these little things, and for the other things He taught us…
… Like patience! In the first week in Haldwani our group was faced with the difficulties of overcoming the cultural and language barriers with our hosts. There were a lot of misunderstandings due to poor communication and the limited English speaking ability of the people on the Haldwani campus. But once we prayed, talked it out, and took up an extra measure of patience we were able to overcome the frustration and have a much more positive experience for the following weeks!
After our time in Haldwani we travelled back to Delhi where we took a bus to Agra for a day and saw… drum roll… THE TAJ MAHAL! It was beautiful… and I got to drive a bicycle rickshaw for a bit on the way back! ☺ We drove back to Delhi that night, stayed in a hotel, and then saw all sorts of famous sites in the city the next day. We saw some tombs and temples, including the tomb of Mahatma Gandhi.
After our sightseeing was done, we took two lovely AC sleeper trains back to Nagpur where we were welcomed by our old friends. It felt like we were being welcomed home ☺. We spent five more days on Nagpur campus, serving in the same ministries as before. On our last day, they had a goodbye ceremony for us and later some of the girls came by and gave all of us henna tattoos. We departed the night of the 22nd and had smooth travels and flight connections all the way through, which was quite the miracle in itself!
There is so much that I could say on the whole about this trip. The trip took all of us off guard and God broke all of our expectations, which turned out to be a great blessing once we processed through the initial frustrations. I can say without a doubt though that the past six weeks have taught me to be endlessly more thankful for every little thing in life. A big thing God taught me while I was gone was that I have so much to rejoice in and yet often focus on things that cause me not to. Even in the darkest times, at least I have a savior and a lover of my soul watching out for me and pulling me through. The Indian people we met have so much joy in even the smallest and simplest things, and amongst all of the difficulties and frustrations of travelling it was refreshing and encouraging to be reminded of the joy that is found in Christ.
I also learned a bit about spiritual warfare on this trip. In the midst of God working in my life and showing me the key to a joy-filled life, I felt great oppression, loneliness and even doubt in God and His truth. I’ve learned a lot through the process, including the importance of loving God with ALL my mind and strength. God has shown me a lot about the magnitude and reality of His love. Please pray for me as He brings me through this learning process! There may be pain in the night, but His joy comes in the morning!
Christ is sovereign and to be glorified in all that we do, even pushing a kid on a swing. He is our reward in heaven, we shouldn’t feel the need to or expect gratification from the things we do for God on this earth, though He is faithful and never fails to bless the lives of those who serve Him.
Praise God for all He did, all He is doing, and all the things He has yet to do! Thank you all for your blessing of praying for and financially supporting my team and I and for allowing me to have the honor of this awesome experience! As they say often in India: “God is good: all the time, all the time: God is good!”. (please check out www.teamindia2010.tumblr if you haven’t already).
With Love and Gratitude,
Kendall Robins :)
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
A Foggy Day in Londontown...
So... this post is technically about India... But I did get to spend an afternoon in London due to a missed flight on our way to India(Daaaang it ;)) AND as we were landing in London on the way back, it was a foggy day and it made me reminisce about listening to this Michael Buble song with my roommates.
Anyways... :) this is one of a couple/ a few posts I will write to update you all on INDIYUH! This first post will be more fun, the next will be more logistical and detailed!!
While I was in India I kept a daily(ish) journal on what happened and wrote "a lesson a day" for the number of days I was in India. I also wrote a list of things I will miss most and things I wont miss so much about India. Hope it can give you an initial feel of how the trip went :D.
Lesson #1: Don't ever kill a bug and leave it, it will get devoured by a trail of some 10 million odd ants...
Lesson #2: Always carry a flashlight.
Lesson #3: Bobby pins and hair clips make fairly decent clothes pins ;).
Lesson #4: Always take a rain jacket and sweatshirt to India... believe it or not you actually CAN get very cold and very wet.
Lesson #5: No matter how sketch other people might think it is, always bring a sharpened pocket knife or folding blade :).
Lesson #6: Palmfrond brooms make superb bug killing devices :).
Lesson #7: Always carry extra water and be prepared to roll with anything.
Lesson #8: Always be prepared... to be completely unprepared ;), there's no telling what could happen.
Lesson #9: Triple check that you have multiple contacts when you have a large group travelling through a foreign country who can speak both your language and the native language.
Lesson #10: Countertop cleaner (aka. Mr. Muscle) is very effective against giant flying Indian cockroaches!
Lesson #11: Never go for a walk without your camera!!
Lesson #12: Rain is one of the sweetest blessings!
Lesson #13: Always utilize your rickshaw room! 15 people in one is good ;).
Lesson #14: God is bigger than anything and mighty to save!
Lesson #15: Always wear A LOT of bug spray in a jungle...
Lesson #16: Never. Ever. Ever.... EVER even think about trying to drive in India... It's way too complicated :).
Lesson #17: Indians take tea very seriously :).
Lesson #18: The Truth of God is more powerful than Satan.
Lesson #19: Never make overly emphatic remarks about things to your hosts... they take them seriously to the extreme ;).
Lesson #20: God's Word is full of life and we must be rooted in it daily. He must become greater, we must become less!
Lesson #21: Take time daily to stand back in awe of God.
Lesson #22: The influences of a roommate do stick with a person, no matter how far away they go.
Lesson #23: No kind of deformity or physical ailment of this world can and should be allowed to lessen our joy in God.
Lesson #24: It is an amazing blessing to feed a mouth that cannot feed itself and rejoice and laugh with those that society deems as "handicapped".
Lesson #25: We can do nothing worthwhile or good apart from Christ, therefore He must be in control, supreme, and our source of joy.
Lesson #26: There are so many simple things that we take for granted in the states, like: consistent power, smooth roads, cars with forward facing seats, clean smells, digestive health... and the list goes ever on and on...
Lesson #27: Always be sure to give Alex Goedhart a guitar and have her improv a song ;).
Lesson #28: Goodbyes are always hard :/...
Lesson #29: It's not possible to get tired of naan (delicious Indian bread).
Lesson #30: We serve a Living God who hears and answers prayers.
Lesson #31: Don't let cross-cultural frustrations get in the way of your view of a situation.
Lesson #32: AC sleeper trains are da-BOMB!
Lesson #33: Almost anything tastes good on top of roti (Indian tortilla-like things :))
Lesson #34: Be prepared to feel foreign to your body by the end of a long trip.
Lesson #35: Take the time to appreciate the artistry and talent of others.
Lesson #36: British Airways' abbreviation is B-A for good reason ;).
Lesson #37: You can't beat jet lag... no matter how hard you strive against it, it will overcome...
Lesson #38: I must go back to England someday :).
Lesson #39: Always remember to thank God for all the blessings and gifts He bestows :).
Those are just some of the lessons I learned while in India :). Aaaand, here are two lists:
Some of the Things I Will Miss Most:
-Rickshaw rides through the cities.
-The mercy home kids.
-The dance and music of India.
-The fresh fruit (mangoesssss!).
-Cassidy Hursey and Sam Thompson. (two great people I got to meet on this trip!)
-Having so much free time to reflect on the Word and spend time with God.
-The Taj Mahal :D
-Having tea time 3-4 times a day :).
-The people!!
-The simplicity of joy there.
-Getting to work in their library full of centuries of Christian knowledge.
-The beautiful wood and metal work, or, in short, the ancient Indian architecture styles :).
-Hearing people's amazing testimonies!!
-Amazing coffee.
-The vast array of sounds that come out of vehicles when someone honks the horn.
-The market places ^_^.
-The COLORS!
-The elephants :).
-The wide array of interesting transportation.
-The friendliness, hospitality and kindness of the Indian people!
-The henna :).
-Getting to see God work in such a different way in such a different place!! :)
Some Things I May Or May Not Miss Too Very Much ;):
-unreliable power (aka unreliable sanctuary from the heat)
-unreliable plumbing
-unreliable source and amount of toilet paper.
-dehydration, diziness and nausea.
-the heat and humidity.
-the frustration of a big language barrier.
-the crowdedness.
-being treated like a pop star (aka: being stared at and taken pictures of all the time)
-getting sick.
-the cries of children as their parents drop them off and leave them at the mercy homes :(.
-the amount of trash and varrying smells everywhere.
Anyways... :) this is one of a couple/ a few posts I will write to update you all on INDIYUH! This first post will be more fun, the next will be more logistical and detailed!!
While I was in India I kept a daily(ish) journal on what happened and wrote "a lesson a day" for the number of days I was in India. I also wrote a list of things I will miss most and things I wont miss so much about India. Hope it can give you an initial feel of how the trip went :D.
Lesson #1: Don't ever kill a bug and leave it, it will get devoured by a trail of some 10 million odd ants...
Lesson #2: Always carry a flashlight.
Lesson #3: Bobby pins and hair clips make fairly decent clothes pins ;).
Lesson #4: Always take a rain jacket and sweatshirt to India... believe it or not you actually CAN get very cold and very wet.
Lesson #5: No matter how sketch other people might think it is, always bring a sharpened pocket knife or folding blade :).
Lesson #6: Palmfrond brooms make superb bug killing devices :).
Lesson #7: Always carry extra water and be prepared to roll with anything.
Lesson #8: Always be prepared... to be completely unprepared ;), there's no telling what could happen.
Lesson #9: Triple check that you have multiple contacts when you have a large group travelling through a foreign country who can speak both your language and the native language.
Lesson #10: Countertop cleaner (aka. Mr. Muscle) is very effective against giant flying Indian cockroaches!
Lesson #11: Never go for a walk without your camera!!
Lesson #12: Rain is one of the sweetest blessings!
Lesson #13: Always utilize your rickshaw room! 15 people in one is good ;).
Lesson #14: God is bigger than anything and mighty to save!
Lesson #15: Always wear A LOT of bug spray in a jungle...
Lesson #16: Never. Ever. Ever.... EVER even think about trying to drive in India... It's way too complicated :).
Lesson #17: Indians take tea very seriously :).
Lesson #18: The Truth of God is more powerful than Satan.
Lesson #19: Never make overly emphatic remarks about things to your hosts... they take them seriously to the extreme ;).
Lesson #20: God's Word is full of life and we must be rooted in it daily. He must become greater, we must become less!
Lesson #21: Take time daily to stand back in awe of God.
Lesson #22: The influences of a roommate do stick with a person, no matter how far away they go.
Lesson #23: No kind of deformity or physical ailment of this world can and should be allowed to lessen our joy in God.
Lesson #24: It is an amazing blessing to feed a mouth that cannot feed itself and rejoice and laugh with those that society deems as "handicapped".
Lesson #25: We can do nothing worthwhile or good apart from Christ, therefore He must be in control, supreme, and our source of joy.
Lesson #26: There are so many simple things that we take for granted in the states, like: consistent power, smooth roads, cars with forward facing seats, clean smells, digestive health... and the list goes ever on and on...
Lesson #27: Always be sure to give Alex Goedhart a guitar and have her improv a song ;).
Lesson #28: Goodbyes are always hard :/...
Lesson #29: It's not possible to get tired of naan (delicious Indian bread).
Lesson #30: We serve a Living God who hears and answers prayers.
Lesson #31: Don't let cross-cultural frustrations get in the way of your view of a situation.
Lesson #32: AC sleeper trains are da-BOMB!
Lesson #33: Almost anything tastes good on top of roti (Indian tortilla-like things :))
Lesson #34: Be prepared to feel foreign to your body by the end of a long trip.
Lesson #35: Take the time to appreciate the artistry and talent of others.
Lesson #36: British Airways' abbreviation is B-A for good reason ;).
Lesson #37: You can't beat jet lag... no matter how hard you strive against it, it will overcome...
Lesson #38: I must go back to England someday :).
Lesson #39: Always remember to thank God for all the blessings and gifts He bestows :).
Those are just some of the lessons I learned while in India :). Aaaand, here are two lists:
Some of the Things I Will Miss Most:
-Rickshaw rides through the cities.
-The mercy home kids.
-The dance and music of India.
-The fresh fruit (mangoesssss!).
-Cassidy Hursey and Sam Thompson. (two great people I got to meet on this trip!)
-Having so much free time to reflect on the Word and spend time with God.
-The Taj Mahal :D
-Having tea time 3-4 times a day :).
-The people!!
-The simplicity of joy there.
-Getting to work in their library full of centuries of Christian knowledge.
-The beautiful wood and metal work, or, in short, the ancient Indian architecture styles :).
-Hearing people's amazing testimonies!!
-Amazing coffee.
-The vast array of sounds that come out of vehicles when someone honks the horn.
-The market places ^_^.
-The COLORS!
-The elephants :).
-The wide array of interesting transportation.
-The friendliness, hospitality and kindness of the Indian people!
-The henna :).
-Getting to see God work in such a different way in such a different place!! :)
Some Things I May Or May Not Miss Too Very Much ;):
-unreliable power (aka unreliable sanctuary from the heat)
-unreliable plumbing
-unreliable source and amount of toilet paper.
-dehydration, diziness and nausea.
-the heat and humidity.
-the frustration of a big language barrier.
-the crowdedness.
-being treated like a pop star (aka: being stared at and taken pictures of all the time)
-getting sick.
-the cries of children as their parents drop them off and leave them at the mercy homes :(.
-the amount of trash and varrying smells everywhere.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Chronicles of India- Chapter 4
WOW.... I can't believe it, but in two days I leave to begin my journey, and after three I will be more than halfway across the world!!
It's amazing to see how far God has brought me through this process! He has brought me and my team through every obstacle, no matter how insurmountable they have seemed. It has become more and more apparent to us that this trip is ordained by God, and I cannot wait to see all that He does with it!!
Please, please pray for the 8 of us as we go to India!! Pray for health, for safety, for guidance and wisdom, for great compassion, and for all the little details, like luggage making it there, not getting things stolen, etc. There are so many little things that can go wrong with a trip like this, but all it takes is a little annointing in prayer, some faith in God, and He will take care of all of that!! :) Love you all, and thanks in advance for your support in prayer!!
for updates over the next month please visit http://teamindia2010.tumblr.com :)
It's amazing to see how far God has brought me through this process! He has brought me and my team through every obstacle, no matter how insurmountable they have seemed. It has become more and more apparent to us that this trip is ordained by God, and I cannot wait to see all that He does with it!!
Please, please pray for the 8 of us as we go to India!! Pray for health, for safety, for guidance and wisdom, for great compassion, and for all the little details, like luggage making it there, not getting things stolen, etc. There are so many little things that can go wrong with a trip like this, but all it takes is a little annointing in prayer, some faith in God, and He will take care of all of that!! :) Love you all, and thanks in advance for your support in prayer!!
for updates over the next month please visit http://teamindia2010.tumblr.com :)
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Chronicles of India- Chapter 3/ End of the year remeniscence...
So... IT'S THE END OF THE SEMESTER!! Finals are over for me, and summer has just begun!! It's crazy to think that I'll be in INDIA in under a month! 21 days to be exact! I can't believe where God has brought us with this mission team and this trip... here's a little update since the last post:
Our team had a 50% due date about a week ago- meaning, if everyone didn't have 50%, people and teams were going to get cut- and we made it! God was so good, and in one weekend He provided for each of us to get our 50% in.
Then we all applied to receive loans from the Student Missionary Union so that we could have all the funding in and just pay it back when we actually get money from our fundraisers.
So ya! we are all safe, officially going, and SO immensely excited! I got all of my shots, I almost have all of my malaria pills, and as I finished my finals today I was glad for the fact that I now, finally, have time to just focus on India!
Keep praying for us and for our preparation, spiritually, mentally and physically!
In other news... I'm HALFWAY done with college... SO crazy.
This has been one of the worst/most difficult/craziest/most rewarding/most amazing/most blessed years of my life so far. Honestly, it's hard to say what I feel about it... at times it's been hard to hold myself together, at times it has been difficult to just function as myself due to my attention and energy being split in many different directions. It's been a year full of mourning new and different things, and of learning about just how dark some places in this world can be... and yet, there have been times where I have laughed harder than ever before, times that I have felt so close to and so much love for the community around me, times where I just wish things could remain like this forever...
This year had so much packed into it that it's really hard to believe it was only a year. I'm going to turn twenty this summer... I'm an upper classmen in college now... My brother is getting married in a week... my life is changing, and I pray to God that that turns out to be an amazing, rewarding, and good thing.
It's been a long journey of a year, but thank God for all I learned in it, and thank God that it's over... now 3 months until I face the next one!
Our team had a 50% due date about a week ago- meaning, if everyone didn't have 50%, people and teams were going to get cut- and we made it! God was so good, and in one weekend He provided for each of us to get our 50% in.
Then we all applied to receive loans from the Student Missionary Union so that we could have all the funding in and just pay it back when we actually get money from our fundraisers.
So ya! we are all safe, officially going, and SO immensely excited! I got all of my shots, I almost have all of my malaria pills, and as I finished my finals today I was glad for the fact that I now, finally, have time to just focus on India!
Keep praying for us and for our preparation, spiritually, mentally and physically!
In other news... I'm HALFWAY done with college... SO crazy.
This has been one of the worst/most difficult/craziest/most rewarding/most amazing/most blessed years of my life so far. Honestly, it's hard to say what I feel about it... at times it's been hard to hold myself together, at times it has been difficult to just function as myself due to my attention and energy being split in many different directions. It's been a year full of mourning new and different things, and of learning about just how dark some places in this world can be... and yet, there have been times where I have laughed harder than ever before, times that I have felt so close to and so much love for the community around me, times where I just wish things could remain like this forever...
This year had so much packed into it that it's really hard to believe it was only a year. I'm going to turn twenty this summer... I'm an upper classmen in college now... My brother is getting married in a week... my life is changing, and I pray to God that that turns out to be an amazing, rewarding, and good thing.
It's been a long journey of a year, but thank God for all I learned in it, and thank God that it's over... now 3 months until I face the next one!
Friday, April 23, 2010
Chronicles of India- Chapter 2
Once I was welcomed onto the team, we all had our first team meeting together. It was awesome to meet the other seven people that I would be spending the next few months working beside. And yet, there was something not quite so awesome about the meeting.
We found out that each of us needed to have $330 by that friday... meaning, two days later.
Why, you ask? We had to put down a downpayment for our flights and pay the Mission Union, all of this adding up to more than three hundred dollars.... In TWO days...
We all looked at our leaders wide-eyed when they gave the announcement, but leaving that room at 11'oclock that night, I had a courage and purpose in my heart to try my best to gather/make as much money as I could the next day, since Wednesday was the only time I had to do anything about it.
Wednesday morning I woke up, a little anxious and nervous about what the day would hold. As I was praying, I realized that $330 dollars was something I didn't have and could certainly not accumulate on my own, so I boldly prayed out of faith that God would completely take this day in His hands and bring me the $330, that I could not do it, and that I had faith that He certainly would.
So I woke up in the morning... and I didn't live my life like a newly popular hip hop song, but I did post signs all over my floor saying that I would be doing henna all day in my room, and that anyone could get a tattoo for $3.
Then I went to classes, having already made about 7 appointments with girls on my floor for henna, I felt amazed at how God was already working.
I had also shot out emails to a few different groups of people: I therefore had scattered meeting with friends and a meeting at 9 at my church with the choir I had just recently joined.
Long story short, I did TONS of henna, I was running across campus all day, and it was the most busy day of my life. BUT, by 6:00 I had somehow, by God's grace, accumulated $180! So crazy. And I knew that I had that meeting with my church in just a couple hours.
So, a bit before 9, I hopped in my car and jetted over to my church. Now, I felt so uncomfortable doing this, and almost turned back multiple times. I hardly even know this community yet, and I felt so weird asking anything of them, let alone large sums of money (obstacle 1).
I got to the church and obstacle 2 hit: the doors were locked. I could see the choir... so close, yet so far! So, I determined that I wouldn't let that phase me, and waited. Thank God, someone finally came out, saw me, and let me in.
Then, of course, obstacle 3 hit. The rehearsal was supposed to be over at 9, and I was supposed to go tell them about my trip (the choir director had invited me to when I sent him an email). Only problem was, by 9:15, they were still going strong, and I had a meeting I had to be at at 9:30.
I felt so torn and so uncomfortable, but despite the strong urge to just give up and leave, God cemented my heart in that pew and held me there until they finally concluded at 9:30.
So I took a deep breath and made my way up to the stage, to stand in front of 50+ almost complete strangers who were all much older than me. I took another deep breath, and began to tell them about my trip, my passion for what God was doing, and my need.
It was extremely uncomfortable, but I was completely transparent and helpless in front of these people, stepping out in the faith that God wasn't having me do this for no reason.
And you want to know what? I was NOT for no reason :) with God I honestly don't think anything ever is!
As I was walking off the stage, a man from the band said he wanted to cover the whole $330! And I was hardly able to step off the stage before I was bombarded with hugs, prayers, encouragements, wise words amongst other things like checks and large bills (not the bird kind mind you ;)).
One of the women said an amazingly true thing to me: "I know it's difficult and uncomfortable, but how is the Body of Christ supposed to meet a need if they don't know about it."
After saying many thanks I walked out of there in awe of God and the amazing community that I didn't even know existed before that moment! I was so encouraged and stunned that I didn't even care to look at the wad of money that I had stuffed in my backpack.
I took the money straight into my leaders and the missions office.
Later that night, I found out the sum of money... The church alone had given me just under $500.00!!! That plus around $200 that I had made earlier....
I can't even accurately describe the feeling of utter awe that I had in God for the rest of the night... for the rest of that week, for the rest of my life I'll carry that memory with me.
God is SO good! Or, as one of my professors said this week, "God is the goodest good, far gooder than what our word 'good' can describe". He never ceases to amaze me, and His provision just affirmed in me even more the knowledge that India is exactly where I am supposed to be this summer, no more doubts about it!!
You know, it is SO difficult to live day to day on complete, blind faith, and I figure not many of us actually ever experience the purity of that. That one day, perhaps the first day I had ever experienced it fully, was so legitimately amazing that I know for a fact I shall never forget it, nor the mightily capabe hand of God.
And, Praise God, two weeks later, my team on a whole has $10, 400.00 of the $28,000.00 that we need to have by around the end of May. PRAISE GOD! He is providing so much for us, and being so faithful in encouragement.
Continue to pray for us as we proceed on this crazy adventure God is leading us through!
Namaste,
~Kendall
We found out that each of us needed to have $330 by that friday... meaning, two days later.
Why, you ask? We had to put down a downpayment for our flights and pay the Mission Union, all of this adding up to more than three hundred dollars.... In TWO days...
We all looked at our leaders wide-eyed when they gave the announcement, but leaving that room at 11'oclock that night, I had a courage and purpose in my heart to try my best to gather/make as much money as I could the next day, since Wednesday was the only time I had to do anything about it.
Wednesday morning I woke up, a little anxious and nervous about what the day would hold. As I was praying, I realized that $330 dollars was something I didn't have and could certainly not accumulate on my own, so I boldly prayed out of faith that God would completely take this day in His hands and bring me the $330, that I could not do it, and that I had faith that He certainly would.
So I woke up in the morning... and I didn't live my life like a newly popular hip hop song, but I did post signs all over my floor saying that I would be doing henna all day in my room, and that anyone could get a tattoo for $3.
Then I went to classes, having already made about 7 appointments with girls on my floor for henna, I felt amazed at how God was already working.
I had also shot out emails to a few different groups of people: I therefore had scattered meeting with friends and a meeting at 9 at my church with the choir I had just recently joined.
Long story short, I did TONS of henna, I was running across campus all day, and it was the most busy day of my life. BUT, by 6:00 I had somehow, by God's grace, accumulated $180! So crazy. And I knew that I had that meeting with my church in just a couple hours.
So, a bit before 9, I hopped in my car and jetted over to my church. Now, I felt so uncomfortable doing this, and almost turned back multiple times. I hardly even know this community yet, and I felt so weird asking anything of them, let alone large sums of money (obstacle 1).
I got to the church and obstacle 2 hit: the doors were locked. I could see the choir... so close, yet so far! So, I determined that I wouldn't let that phase me, and waited. Thank God, someone finally came out, saw me, and let me in.
Then, of course, obstacle 3 hit. The rehearsal was supposed to be over at 9, and I was supposed to go tell them about my trip (the choir director had invited me to when I sent him an email). Only problem was, by 9:15, they were still going strong, and I had a meeting I had to be at at 9:30.
I felt so torn and so uncomfortable, but despite the strong urge to just give up and leave, God cemented my heart in that pew and held me there until they finally concluded at 9:30.
So I took a deep breath and made my way up to the stage, to stand in front of 50+ almost complete strangers who were all much older than me. I took another deep breath, and began to tell them about my trip, my passion for what God was doing, and my need.
It was extremely uncomfortable, but I was completely transparent and helpless in front of these people, stepping out in the faith that God wasn't having me do this for no reason.
And you want to know what? I was NOT for no reason :) with God I honestly don't think anything ever is!
As I was walking off the stage, a man from the band said he wanted to cover the whole $330! And I was hardly able to step off the stage before I was bombarded with hugs, prayers, encouragements, wise words amongst other things like checks and large bills (not the bird kind mind you ;)).
One of the women said an amazingly true thing to me: "I know it's difficult and uncomfortable, but how is the Body of Christ supposed to meet a need if they don't know about it."
After saying many thanks I walked out of there in awe of God and the amazing community that I didn't even know existed before that moment! I was so encouraged and stunned that I didn't even care to look at the wad of money that I had stuffed in my backpack.
I took the money straight into my leaders and the missions office.
Later that night, I found out the sum of money... The church alone had given me just under $500.00!!! That plus around $200 that I had made earlier....
I can't even accurately describe the feeling of utter awe that I had in God for the rest of the night... for the rest of that week, for the rest of my life I'll carry that memory with me.
God is SO good! Or, as one of my professors said this week, "God is the goodest good, far gooder than what our word 'good' can describe". He never ceases to amaze me, and His provision just affirmed in me even more the knowledge that India is exactly where I am supposed to be this summer, no more doubts about it!!
You know, it is SO difficult to live day to day on complete, blind faith, and I figure not many of us actually ever experience the purity of that. That one day, perhaps the first day I had ever experienced it fully, was so legitimately amazing that I know for a fact I shall never forget it, nor the mightily capabe hand of God.
And, Praise God, two weeks later, my team on a whole has $10, 400.00 of the $28,000.00 that we need to have by around the end of May. PRAISE GOD! He is providing so much for us, and being so faithful in encouragement.
Continue to pray for us as we proceed on this crazy adventure God is leading us through!
Namaste,
~Kendall
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Chronicles of India- Chapter 1
Hey! So, as most of you most of you likely already know, I am going on a missions trip to India this summer! Me and a group of seven others have the amazing opportunity to go to areas in and around Nagpur and Nanital India. We will start in central India (Nagpur), and work our way north to Nanital (up in the Himalayas! :D).
It's actually an amazing thing that I even got on this trip to begin with. Deadlines for Biola missions trips were like... two months ago?
What happened was, missions conference just so happened to focus a lot on India this year, and therefore in a session the missionary union president announced that the mission team going to India this summer was in need of more members to make a full team. He encouraged all of us to pray and consider this opportunity.
So I did. I took the risk of mentioning it to God... knowing in the back of my mind the risk of what I was doing :). Little did I know the crazy adventure the following two weeks would be!
The very next day, once missions conference was over, the idea of the trip was weighing heavily on my heart. I felt the need to act, but I didn't really know if it was just emotional hype, personal excitement for the opportunity, or actually God's voice and will calling me. So, as I felt the urge to run as fast as I could into the Student Missionary Union building as I passed by. But I restrained myself and kept walking, confused about what I was feeling and why.
But I soon noticed that though I kept putting the thought aside, in order to parse out God's voice from my own jumbled thoughts, the trip just kept on chasing me all day long. One of the team leaders passed by my window an hour later, and I had the very same excited urge to fling myself at the window, thrust it open and yell out her name.
But I restrained myself.
Then I went to get mexican food with my roommate Brenna, and we got onto talking about missions trips, life callings, and all that good stuff! I couldn't deny or hold in the idea any longer. I told her my thoughts and she encouraged me to put myself up for it like I felt I should.
So I took up faith.
I had no idea what I was doing exactly, or even if it was God's will that I go to India in the summer. But, knowing full well that God desired me to apply, I had faith and trusted that His perfect will would prevail and submitted myself to His control, passing in to the Missions office my completed application two days later.
I heard nothing for a week.
At first, I could hardly handle the uncertainty and waiting. But then I remembered that if I was meant to go, God would place me on the team and if I didn't get on, well "there is no safer place to be than in the center of God's will".
So I took up faith.
I got called in for an interview. Then waited some more.
Then, on one glorious day (just a couple days later) I got a message in my inbox saying that "I was officially a part of team india"!!! I was so excited that I started tearing up :). I was just so relieved, so encouraged, and so excited that God had given me this opportunity.
I was still slightly hesitant at whether or not this was just me or truly God's will. I figured out a bit later that this was a foolish notion, and that it was only because the trip wasn't really solidified yet that I felt this way. But a week later I attended my first team meeting, met everyone, and it suddenly became real.
To be continued...
It's actually an amazing thing that I even got on this trip to begin with. Deadlines for Biola missions trips were like... two months ago?
What happened was, missions conference just so happened to focus a lot on India this year, and therefore in a session the missionary union president announced that the mission team going to India this summer was in need of more members to make a full team. He encouraged all of us to pray and consider this opportunity.
So I did. I took the risk of mentioning it to God... knowing in the back of my mind the risk of what I was doing :). Little did I know the crazy adventure the following two weeks would be!
The very next day, once missions conference was over, the idea of the trip was weighing heavily on my heart. I felt the need to act, but I didn't really know if it was just emotional hype, personal excitement for the opportunity, or actually God's voice and will calling me. So, as I felt the urge to run as fast as I could into the Student Missionary Union building as I passed by. But I restrained myself and kept walking, confused about what I was feeling and why.
But I soon noticed that though I kept putting the thought aside, in order to parse out God's voice from my own jumbled thoughts, the trip just kept on chasing me all day long. One of the team leaders passed by my window an hour later, and I had the very same excited urge to fling myself at the window, thrust it open and yell out her name.
But I restrained myself.
Then I went to get mexican food with my roommate Brenna, and we got onto talking about missions trips, life callings, and all that good stuff! I couldn't deny or hold in the idea any longer. I told her my thoughts and she encouraged me to put myself up for it like I felt I should.
So I took up faith.
I had no idea what I was doing exactly, or even if it was God's will that I go to India in the summer. But, knowing full well that God desired me to apply, I had faith and trusted that His perfect will would prevail and submitted myself to His control, passing in to the Missions office my completed application two days later.
I heard nothing for a week.
At first, I could hardly handle the uncertainty and waiting. But then I remembered that if I was meant to go, God would place me on the team and if I didn't get on, well "there is no safer place to be than in the center of God's will".
So I took up faith.
I got called in for an interview. Then waited some more.
Then, on one glorious day (just a couple days later) I got a message in my inbox saying that "I was officially a part of team india"!!! I was so excited that I started tearing up :). I was just so relieved, so encouraged, and so excited that God had given me this opportunity.
I was still slightly hesitant at whether or not this was just me or truly God's will. I figured out a bit later that this was a foolish notion, and that it was only because the trip wasn't really solidified yet that I felt this way. But a week later I attended my first team meeting, met everyone, and it suddenly became real.
To be continued...
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Four Distinct Lessons
So, as some of you know, I am currently in my fourth semester of college, and being that I am almost halfway done (and that I'm just naturally a reflective sort of person), I have begun looking back on these past two crazy, amazing, phenomenal, out-of-control years that God has brought me through.
When I look back I've discovered that every semester something significant has occurred in my life that has greatly formed and changed who I am. So, the following is the breakdown of How I have seen and am currently seeing God work in my life:
Semester 1: Confrontation. Breakup.
I have always been a person who hates confrontation, and until around the time of my first semester of college, I would have ran away from any confrontation, guaranteed. This shyness and foolishly-patient tolerance problem, as you can imagine, did not mesh well with a failing long distance relationship.
First Semester of college, I made the mistake of taking a shot at a long distance relationship... What did I find out? That it was NOT for me. Or, at least not for the "me" back then. All the distance showed me about that relationship was how little I actually had in common with my high school boyfriend, and how much my college growth was causing an even greater chasm between me and him.
Our communication was terrible and little by little I was falling apart as I tried to patch up a relationship that was bursting apart in all directions. Did I tell anyone, ask for prayer or share my concerns? Never. All of the hurt that I was feeling from that broken relationship caused me to back away further and further from the community around me. I was paralyzed from forming friendships because I just didn't have the time or energy to put into them. (Now, mind you, I did make two of my best friends ever -who are now my roommates- that semester)
I feel the need to say sorry again for all of the people I shirked and the relationships I neglected that semester... It was not intentional, but at that point in my life, all I had the energy to do was struggle to deal with my own problems.
In this, I learned a lot more about what a weakness my inability to stand up against wrongs to myself was. Finally, in finals week, the stress from tests and the thoughts of going home and having to deal with everything hit me. I broke down. My friend Brenna entered a scene of me sitting on the floor, crying pathetically, surrounded by Torrey books... That's when I finally confided, finally let it all out, and finally was able to gain enough courage to do what I should have done months before: confront the wrongs of the situation and end things.
So, I went home, met with him, I stood up for myself, and we broke things off. One of the best, yet hardest things I had done so far in my life. It was so difficult for me to put myself out there and to let myself feel awkward and to put myself into a situation that could possibly hurt a person that I cared about. All sorts of things scared me about the situation... But God strengthened me, brought me through a hard semester, and taught me, finally, how to stand up for myself and confront people when they wrong and hurt me, rather than just tolerating it for the sake of not making waves.
Semester 2: Acceptance. Reinvention.
After experiencing a complete release from the overtones of criticism that existed in my high school environment, I was able to move on and embrace the place that I was in. I had finally really arrived at Biola. I was blessed with rooming with one of my new best friends :), and my friends Brenna and Jojo were slowly teaching me through their examples to be more accepting of my own quirks, nerdiness and all the little things that make up "me" that I had been supressing and afraid of for so long due to my past environment.
I learned the importance of embracing and being content in each and every circumstance that God placed me in, considering constantly that He put me there for a reason and therefore I needed to enjoy the people and events around me. I learned to be present always, and to make my mind engage the present rather than allowing it to be distracted, possibly making me lose sight of what God had for me to learn in that given situation.
But, most of all, as I said in the beginning, God taught me to be way more outgoing and to have way more acceptance, love, and appreciation for who He created me to be as an individual :). I now have little to no shame, and no longer care if I come off as being weird, because I know those who are worth my time will be loving and accepting of me no matter what I do, just as God is :).
Semester 3: A New Lesson on Love. Death.
My third semester was quite the whirlwind of events. The very first weekend started off with an amazing adventure with five friends of mine to a 200 ft. tall, illuminated cross at the top of a hill in the middle of Hollywood, at 12 0'clock at night. One of the most adventurous, most unique and best experiences of my life so far, but you can read more about it in the link above if you're curious.
Only a week or two later, that amazing, hyped up, joyous experience was juxtaposed against a horrible series of phone calls that I received from my mother. I was trying to sleep in like I do every Saturday morning, when I realized that my phone kept vibrating. I figured that that was an odd occurence, so I climbed down out of my bunk bed and checked my phone. I felt like it was pointless to listen to the three voice mail messages and saw that I had multiple missed calls from both my brother and mom.
I called my mother back and heard a strained voice on the other line say that my grandfather -who had been suffering from colon cancer for a few years- had decided to take his own life with one of his hunting guns. His next door neighbor apparently heard, ran next door, found the scene and alerted the authorities, who alerted my mother, who then alerted me.
My grandfather was not saved, he was the first person close to me who has ever died, and he died by committing suicide. These three things combined with the inability for me to properly comfort and be with my mother through the difficult time was extremely hard to handle. It took me at least a few weeks to just start getting over it, but through all the grief, discomfort and questions God showed me so much goodness, beauty and truth. It's amazing how He can do that in the ugliest of situations.
I learned so much about love, and especially about receiving it. It was an amazing and humbling experience to see the community around me gather, comfort and pray over me. I also learned all the more to truly value the relationships that I have and be ever present in each circumstance so that I don't miss anything God might have for me or an opportunity to serve others.
Semester 4: Brokenness and Faith. Cross-cultural Missions.
In my current semester, God is yet again doing a substantial and significant thing in my life. As you can see partially from my prior blog, God has been teaching me so much through my x-cultural and ethnic psychology class this semester. He has been truly teaching me and showing me the importance of allowing my heart to be broken by the things that break His. It comes fairly easy to me, but God has taught me that I need to utilize that and remember how valuable an ability it is to have.
Also, through the many things that have led me into being on a mission team going to India this summer, God has shown me a new meaning and reality of faith. Living life out of faith is the only way to live it! Though it is so hard to always live a life fully surrendered to God and His purposes, it is a far better life to live than any other. If you want to know more about the work He is and will be doing with India, read the posts soon to come on my blog, I will be keeping a journal of all of the major processes and events of the trip :).
It amazes me how God has not allowed a semester to go by without teaching or doing some great work in my life. In the good things and even the most terrible, praise be to God that He has given me the strength to find the good and beauty in each and every situation. Praise God that I haven't yet lost myself, but have been drawn closer and taught to cast myself even more fully upon His grace.
I am somewhat fearful, yet faithful and excited about what my future holds. May God continue to teach and grow me into the women He wishes to form, and may I never resist, but, in great awe, trust His name through all things, even through the periods of confusion and misunderstanding. :)
When I look back I've discovered that every semester something significant has occurred in my life that has greatly formed and changed who I am. So, the following is the breakdown of How I have seen and am currently seeing God work in my life:
Semester 1: Confrontation. Breakup.
I have always been a person who hates confrontation, and until around the time of my first semester of college, I would have ran away from any confrontation, guaranteed. This shyness and foolishly-patient tolerance problem, as you can imagine, did not mesh well with a failing long distance relationship.
First Semester of college, I made the mistake of taking a shot at a long distance relationship... What did I find out? That it was NOT for me. Or, at least not for the "me" back then. All the distance showed me about that relationship was how little I actually had in common with my high school boyfriend, and how much my college growth was causing an even greater chasm between me and him.
Our communication was terrible and little by little I was falling apart as I tried to patch up a relationship that was bursting apart in all directions. Did I tell anyone, ask for prayer or share my concerns? Never. All of the hurt that I was feeling from that broken relationship caused me to back away further and further from the community around me. I was paralyzed from forming friendships because I just didn't have the time or energy to put into them. (Now, mind you, I did make two of my best friends ever -who are now my roommates- that semester)
I feel the need to say sorry again for all of the people I shirked and the relationships I neglected that semester... It was not intentional, but at that point in my life, all I had the energy to do was struggle to deal with my own problems.
In this, I learned a lot more about what a weakness my inability to stand up against wrongs to myself was. Finally, in finals week, the stress from tests and the thoughts of going home and having to deal with everything hit me. I broke down. My friend Brenna entered a scene of me sitting on the floor, crying pathetically, surrounded by Torrey books... That's when I finally confided, finally let it all out, and finally was able to gain enough courage to do what I should have done months before: confront the wrongs of the situation and end things.
So, I went home, met with him, I stood up for myself, and we broke things off. One of the best, yet hardest things I had done so far in my life. It was so difficult for me to put myself out there and to let myself feel awkward and to put myself into a situation that could possibly hurt a person that I cared about. All sorts of things scared me about the situation... But God strengthened me, brought me through a hard semester, and taught me, finally, how to stand up for myself and confront people when they wrong and hurt me, rather than just tolerating it for the sake of not making waves.
Semester 2: Acceptance. Reinvention.
After experiencing a complete release from the overtones of criticism that existed in my high school environment, I was able to move on and embrace the place that I was in. I had finally really arrived at Biola. I was blessed with rooming with one of my new best friends :), and my friends Brenna and Jojo were slowly teaching me through their examples to be more accepting of my own quirks, nerdiness and all the little things that make up "me" that I had been supressing and afraid of for so long due to my past environment.
I learned the importance of embracing and being content in each and every circumstance that God placed me in, considering constantly that He put me there for a reason and therefore I needed to enjoy the people and events around me. I learned to be present always, and to make my mind engage the present rather than allowing it to be distracted, possibly making me lose sight of what God had for me to learn in that given situation.
But, most of all, as I said in the beginning, God taught me to be way more outgoing and to have way more acceptance, love, and appreciation for who He created me to be as an individual :). I now have little to no shame, and no longer care if I come off as being weird, because I know those who are worth my time will be loving and accepting of me no matter what I do, just as God is :).
Semester 3: A New Lesson on Love. Death.
My third semester was quite the whirlwind of events. The very first weekend started off with an amazing adventure with five friends of mine to a 200 ft. tall, illuminated cross at the top of a hill in the middle of Hollywood, at 12 0'clock at night. One of the most adventurous, most unique and best experiences of my life so far, but you can read more about it in the link above if you're curious.
Only a week or two later, that amazing, hyped up, joyous experience was juxtaposed against a horrible series of phone calls that I received from my mother. I was trying to sleep in like I do every Saturday morning, when I realized that my phone kept vibrating. I figured that that was an odd occurence, so I climbed down out of my bunk bed and checked my phone. I felt like it was pointless to listen to the three voice mail messages and saw that I had multiple missed calls from both my brother and mom.
I called my mother back and heard a strained voice on the other line say that my grandfather -who had been suffering from colon cancer for a few years- had decided to take his own life with one of his hunting guns. His next door neighbor apparently heard, ran next door, found the scene and alerted the authorities, who alerted my mother, who then alerted me.
My grandfather was not saved, he was the first person close to me who has ever died, and he died by committing suicide. These three things combined with the inability for me to properly comfort and be with my mother through the difficult time was extremely hard to handle. It took me at least a few weeks to just start getting over it, but through all the grief, discomfort and questions God showed me so much goodness, beauty and truth. It's amazing how He can do that in the ugliest of situations.
I learned so much about love, and especially about receiving it. It was an amazing and humbling experience to see the community around me gather, comfort and pray over me. I also learned all the more to truly value the relationships that I have and be ever present in each circumstance so that I don't miss anything God might have for me or an opportunity to serve others.
Semester 4: Brokenness and Faith. Cross-cultural Missions.
In my current semester, God is yet again doing a substantial and significant thing in my life. As you can see partially from my prior blog, God has been teaching me so much through my x-cultural and ethnic psychology class this semester. He has been truly teaching me and showing me the importance of allowing my heart to be broken by the things that break His. It comes fairly easy to me, but God has taught me that I need to utilize that and remember how valuable an ability it is to have.
Also, through the many things that have led me into being on a mission team going to India this summer, God has shown me a new meaning and reality of faith. Living life out of faith is the only way to live it! Though it is so hard to always live a life fully surrendered to God and His purposes, it is a far better life to live than any other. If you want to know more about the work He is and will be doing with India, read the posts soon to come on my blog, I will be keeping a journal of all of the major processes and events of the trip :).
It amazes me how God has not allowed a semester to go by without teaching or doing some great work in my life. In the good things and even the most terrible, praise be to God that He has given me the strength to find the good and beauty in each and every situation. Praise God that I haven't yet lost myself, but have been drawn closer and taught to cast myself even more fully upon His grace.
I am somewhat fearful, yet faithful and excited about what my future holds. May God continue to teach and grow me into the women He wishes to form, and may I never resist, but, in great awe, trust His name through all things, even through the periods of confusion and misunderstanding. :)
Monday, March 15, 2010
The Race to Sterotype
First post, heavy topic, long blog.
BUT please don’t let this daunt you. This is a topic that has become so important to me recently. So even if you have to break it down into segments, even if it means you only read a paragraph a day ;), I hope you will bear with me through this dangerous adventure I am being led through by God.
(I have broken it up into three sections: feel free to read the parts in three installations, but please, if you start, finish. There is important stuff throughout, and this blog is only a complete thought when read in its entirety :) )
This semester at Biola, I enrolled into a class called “Cross Cultural and Ethnic Psychology”. Being a Psychology major and a lover of cross cultural interaction and missions, I jumped on the opportunity to take this class and explore the subject more. I was hoping for more clarity from God (as far as vocations go) and for my skills of communicating with others and understanding them to grow. But I have gained much more than I bargained for upon entering this class.
I must ask that you read the following blog with an open mind and heart. If defensiveness emerges, then I encourage you to pause and explore where that comes from, for I know that has helped me immensely. I encourage you to allow yourselves to be confused, to be broken, to be challenged, and to be willing to hear of another person’s experience and view, even if it doesn’t end up changing or impacting yours. These are valuable abilities to have in life, and only in letting go can God work in and bring the beauty of growth to our lives!
I must also say as a prerequisite to the following thoughts that I am not trying to judge anyone, I am not trying to condemn. I am trying to relate the facts and truths of what I am learning. I’m trying to bear a bit of my soul and experience, though it may be uncomfortable for me, because I believe that it is vitally important that I do. But you must understand in all of this that all of the statements I write come out of the deepest love for you and your well-being.
I know each and everyone one of us is at a different place in our lives, we have different experiences, different pains, that is what makes humanity such a beautiful creation. Many of you may already know much of what I am going to say. I do not wish or intend to invalidate any of your experiences. If you wish to converse with me further about my experience or the topic in this blog, I am all ears and would be SO happy to.
The following has become my view, it has become my new reality, and has become a part of the person God is forming and I pray He may continue building me into. It may seem radical, to some it may even seem foolish, but, hey, Christ Himself did things that seemed entirely stupid to the culture around Him! God often works outside of our comfort zones and understanding, our bounds in no way bind Him.
This is but a part of what I have been learning throughout this last month.
-----------------------------------------------------------
It may seem cliché to say so, but I have no other words than to say: this class, in just the four weeks I have been in it, has quite certainly turned my life upside-down. My 19-years-in-the-making perspective on culture, ethnicity, racism, and how America works has been: Destroyed. Obliterated. Annihilated.
And at the point at which I am writing this, I sit in the rubble of that destruction, grasping for loving hands to pull me up, wondering why on earth I’m putting myself through this, wondering why I don’t just turn back and return to the way I’ve been walking with God and living life, for it has seemingly worked for some years now…
I’m at the point where I need to share, I need to at least try to help others to understand, I need you to see the reality with me, I need you to join me so that I have company and don’t have to be alone in this uncomfortable, subtle battle. I need my brothers and sisters in Christ to be awakened and continually aware of a realm of sin that Satan so easily pulls us down with, though we rarely ever catch a glimpse of its danger. This realm is that of racism, stereotypes, and judgment.
You see, these first four weeks in the class and some weeks to come are focused on racism in the United States.
The hardest part about the topic? Realizing that I have been blinded due to my lack of curiosity and by the society I live in, and have been made to believe in these last 19 years that racism is just a problem of individual acts of hatred and oppression. What I have come to find is that in our generation it has become an institutional problem that is rooted deep in the very foundations of our country’s workings. So deep, in fact, that it causes small, subtle oppressions that eventually alienate minorities and tell them that the only way they can be accepted is by seeing that being white is normal and neutral, and that they should desire to be more like us.
Phrases like “if you would only become more like us” or “if you would only become more civilized” are sayings that I have learned commonly occur on my campus. A CHRISTIAN campus. People in the United States are daily made to feel that they are inadequate, incomplete, and unimportant, almost all people are made to feel this to some extent… but in the realm of racism it is very subtle and often ignored.
I have also learned about a term called “White Privilege”. Have you ever heard of this before? Because I sure never have. People in American don’t talk about this… It’s a taboo topic that no one wants to face, because if we say it, we are admitting it, and if we admit it, then we have to face it, and if we face it we have to decide what to do with it… and the process only gets more uncomfortable and more complicated.
If we admit it, and are God-following, caring, Christian people, that means that we are obligated to change it and fight against it… and that is a scary thing.
The whole concept of White privilege is that if we see that minorities are disadvantaged in some way (say, in education, the workplace, socioeconomically…) that means that someone out there in the world in being advantaged and advanced. The two always exist together, they are never separate.
And at the point at which I am writing this, I sit in the rubble of that destruction, grasping for loving hands to pull me up, wondering why on earth I’m putting myself through this, wondering why I don’t just turn back and return to the way I’ve been walking with God and living life, for it has seemingly worked for some years now…
I’m at the point where I need to share, I need to at least try to help others to understand, I need you to see the reality with me, I need you to join me so that I have company and don’t have to be alone in this uncomfortable, subtle battle. I need my brothers and sisters in Christ to be awakened and continually aware of a realm of sin that Satan so easily pulls us down with, though we rarely ever catch a glimpse of its danger. This realm is that of racism, stereotypes, and judgment.
You see, these first four weeks in the class and some weeks to come are focused on racism in the United States.
The hardest part about the topic? Realizing that I have been blinded due to my lack of curiosity and by the society I live in, and have been made to believe in these last 19 years that racism is just a problem of individual acts of hatred and oppression. What I have come to find is that in our generation it has become an institutional problem that is rooted deep in the very foundations of our country’s workings. So deep, in fact, that it causes small, subtle oppressions that eventually alienate minorities and tell them that the only way they can be accepted is by seeing that being white is normal and neutral, and that they should desire to be more like us.
Phrases like “if you would only become more like us” or “if you would only become more civilized” are sayings that I have learned commonly occur on my campus. A CHRISTIAN campus. People in the United States are daily made to feel that they are inadequate, incomplete, and unimportant, almost all people are made to feel this to some extent… but in the realm of racism it is very subtle and often ignored.
I have also learned about a term called “White Privilege”. Have you ever heard of this before? Because I sure never have. People in American don’t talk about this… It’s a taboo topic that no one wants to face, because if we say it, we are admitting it, and if we admit it, then we have to face it, and if we face it we have to decide what to do with it… and the process only gets more uncomfortable and more complicated.
If we admit it, and are God-following, caring, Christian people, that means that we are obligated to change it and fight against it… and that is a scary thing.
The whole concept of White privilege is that if we see that minorities are disadvantaged in some way (say, in education, the workplace, socioeconomically…) that means that someone out there in the world in being advantaged and advanced. The two always exist together, they are never separate.
What does this mean for us then? For those of us who don’t step on minorities or “hold white power over their heads”? It means we have blindly and unintentionally been enjoying privileges our entire lives. PRIVILEGES.
I never saw it like that, have you? Society never tells us this. Society never tells us that we don’t deserve what we have they say that we have earned our position by merit. But really think about it… have you? I know I haven’t. I was born ahead of the game, I was born with more opportunity. I didn’t choose to be, but nonetheless, because this country works and thrives upon institutional racism, that’s the reality I have to accept.
What our society does is ingrains stereotypes in our minds, and in turn we subject others to those views, whether consciously or unconsciously doing so, because the tapes are there, playing in our minds. Think about it… when it gets down to it, don’t you wonder where those random thoughts or actions come from? Like when you get stuck behind a slow driver, then pass them to see they are asian… and the first thought that comes to your head is “well, that explains it”.
This is just a simple example… but really, all Asians aren’t bad drivers… nor are all Asians necessarily geniuses at math, nor are African American men inherently dangerous and violent, nor are all Hispanic men dirty minded, disrespectful, house-maids, or illegal immigrants “trying to suck the life out of the country”.
I never saw it like that, have you? Society never tells us this. Society never tells us that we don’t deserve what we have they say that we have earned our position by merit. But really think about it… have you? I know I haven’t. I was born ahead of the game, I was born with more opportunity. I didn’t choose to be, but nonetheless, because this country works and thrives upon institutional racism, that’s the reality I have to accept.
What our society does is ingrains stereotypes in our minds, and in turn we subject others to those views, whether consciously or unconsciously doing so, because the tapes are there, playing in our minds. Think about it… when it gets down to it, don’t you wonder where those random thoughts or actions come from? Like when you get stuck behind a slow driver, then pass them to see they are asian… and the first thought that comes to your head is “well, that explains it”.
This is just a simple example… but really, all Asians aren’t bad drivers… nor are all Asians necessarily geniuses at math, nor are African American men inherently dangerous and violent, nor are all Hispanic men dirty minded, disrespectful, house-maids, or illegal immigrants “trying to suck the life out of the country”.
These are just a couple simple ways I’ve seen these stereotypes picked up and expressed around me and from within me. In making these assumptions, we cut people off, we limit them, we discourage them, we hurt them, we ignore them as a individual person and lump them with this (negative and most of the time wrong) mass idea.
I know I hate it when people do things like that to me… I can’t believe that I’ve blindly been doing it to others… And to think there are hundreds of other far worse examples of racism in our society, but so little room I have to express what I now know :/.
I feel compelled to say that I am sorry. Sorry for not working against the problem, sorry for sometimes being a part of it, no matter how overt, intentional, big or small.
I am sorry for things I’ve said, for no matter for what purpose I said them, or how small they may have been to me, they have caused pain and stomped on an old bruised wound, a wound created by my forefathers and the country I have always called my own.
I am sorry for allowing myself to be content with circumstances, for allowing myself to remain blind and uneducated about the experience and validity of the problems and struggles of other races and culture groups.
_______________________________________________________________I know I hate it when people do things like that to me… I can’t believe that I’ve blindly been doing it to others… And to think there are hundreds of other far worse examples of racism in our society, but so little room I have to express what I now know :/.
I feel compelled to say that I am sorry. Sorry for not working against the problem, sorry for sometimes being a part of it, no matter how overt, intentional, big or small.
I am sorry for things I’ve said, for no matter for what purpose I said them, or how small they may have been to me, they have caused pain and stomped on an old bruised wound, a wound created by my forefathers and the country I have always called my own.
I am sorry for allowing myself to be content with circumstances, for allowing myself to remain blind and uneducated about the experience and validity of the problems and struggles of other races and culture groups.
In light of what I’ve mentioned, and all of the other things I have learned (things which I neither have the space nor the words to articulate) I have a decision to make.
I could just go back to the way I’ve been used to living my life for the past 19 years… to return to the blindness, to the jokes, to enjoying my position in society and never questioning how or why I am where I am (or why other people are stuck where they are), to fitting in and not having to be the one to awkwardly put myself out and be the “stickler” or the “prude” who people glare and roll their eyes at because they feel “I’m stepping on everyone else’s fun” or “making a big deal about something that’s long passed”. Or even be the socially awkward one who goes against the cultural norms that everyone else clings so readily to…
I could just go back to the way I’ve been used to living my life for the past 19 years… to return to the blindness, to the jokes, to enjoying my position in society and never questioning how or why I am where I am (or why other people are stuck where they are), to fitting in and not having to be the one to awkwardly put myself out and be the “stickler” or the “prude” who people glare and roll their eyes at because they feel “I’m stepping on everyone else’s fun” or “making a big deal about something that’s long passed”. Or even be the socially awkward one who goes against the cultural norms that everyone else clings so readily to…
I could.
Yet… I can’t.
My heart won’t let me.
My soul won’t let me.
My sanity couldn’t possibly let me.
Yet… I can’t.
My heart won’t let me.
My soul won’t let me.
My sanity couldn’t possibly let me.
I’ve begun to feel but a fraction of the pain and brokenness, and the Holy Spirit’s compassion within me will not allow me to forget.
I cannot return to resigning myself to joke along with everyone else at other’s expenses or turn a blind eye to the nasty truths I’ve discovered about the world I live in.
I cannot expect others to take the brunt of the very things that would so hurt and insult me.
I cannot ignore the responsibility I have for my judgmental sins.
I cannot ignore the fact that those sins, by the grace of God, have been forgiven, and that I now have the responsibility of the knowledge of these problems.
It’s more than just “treat others as you would wish to be treated”.
I cannot return to resigning myself to joke along with everyone else at other’s expenses or turn a blind eye to the nasty truths I’ve discovered about the world I live in.
I cannot expect others to take the brunt of the very things that would so hurt and insult me.
I cannot ignore the responsibility I have for my judgmental sins.
I cannot ignore the fact that those sins, by the grace of God, have been forgiven, and that I now have the responsibility of the knowledge of these problems.
It’s more than just “treat others as you would wish to be treated”.
There is far more behind it now.
The Emotion. The Pain.
It’s real.
It’s frightening.
It’s uncomfortable.
It can be downright depressing.
The Emotion. The Pain.
It’s real.
It’s frightening.
It’s uncomfortable.
It can be downright depressing.
It makes me angry, sometimes it makes me want to cry out for all of those who cannot do so for themselves - those who have trained and conditioned themselves not to out of the desperate hope that doing so can be better accepted.
The problem does not affect everyone in the same way… it does not apply to every story you will hear. But what right do any of us have to hurt, insult or oppress any one person?
We have no right to treat anyone, not even the fellows of our own race, not even the “dorky kid in the glasses”, in such a way.
The problem does not affect everyone in the same way… it does not apply to every story you will hear. But what right do any of us have to hurt, insult or oppress any one person?
We have no right to treat anyone, not even the fellows of our own race, not even the “dorky kid in the glasses”, in such a way.
Ephesians 4:29 says:
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
In my life, it is a true desire to live a life that says: “ya know, I really want to live more like Christ. I really want to serve God and love others the best I can in my every day life.”
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
In my life, it is a true desire to live a life that says: “ya know, I really want to live more like Christ. I really want to serve God and love others the best I can in my every day life.”
But when I look at the number of times that judging or mocking comments and jokes come out of my mouth and the mouths of those around me, I can’t help but become discouraged and disappointed. Do I/we really mean it? I mean, I know we fall into sin, and that it is a daily battle, and in no way do I ever expect any of you or myself to be able to reach perfection, it would be just as wrong to hold you to such an impossible standard.
But at the same time, this is and needs to be a red flag that we automatically pay attention to. We need to change our perspective so that we have our eyes opened to what goes on, no matter how much of a risk it may be, or how disturbed we may be when we discover the truth of all that goes on around us.
It’s a damning and dark world that we live in, and seeing the pain of how it effects others has caused me many tears and distracted thoughts.
But we have to see it to believe it, I know that now. I have an entirely new perspective on the world now, and it IS scary! I don’t like it one bit, but only in experiencing that pain/ anger/ disturbance/what have you (can we and) have I begun to be motivated to make a change.
May I just present that the majority of us, including myself, have been content to sit back and be complacent about the subject for quite a length of time now? I’m done. I refuse to watch and be a spectator, laughing, nodding, or burying my head in someone else’s shoulder as others quite readily make sport of people who are different from them.
Culture is beautiful, diversity is a gift from God that teaches us how to love with God’s love (a love that truly span all things). Embrace differences, they come in a full package deal with each new person you meet. Learn to not allow personal disagreements or negative experiences with individuals darken your view of an entire people group, skin color, or culture group.
It is human to make judgments based on the experiences we’ve had, and if they’re mostly negative, that makes being a positive and gracious person very difficult… But the point is that we aren’t passionately striving after being more human… no, we are to strive after becoming more like God, and God is not bound by our foolish societal and cultural stereotypes.
Numerous times in Paul’s epistles is this phrase emphasized:
“With God, there is NO partiality”.
“With God, there is NO partiality”.
If we are to love properly and live a life striving passionately after God’s heart, how can we live content with loving people in any lesser way? We will stumble, we will fall, and we aren’t to beat ourselves up with every mistake we make, God would not have that.
BUT we have to pray for and bolster within ourselves a steady resolve for fighting against and calling into light such practices. We must live lives that actively strive and pray for the strength to fight against judgment, stereotyping, and mockery of others, whether based on race, disability, gender, sexual orientation or cultural differences.
BUT we have to pray for and bolster within ourselves a steady resolve for fighting against and calling into light such practices. We must live lives that actively strive and pray for the strength to fight against judgment, stereotyping, and mockery of others, whether based on race, disability, gender, sexual orientation or cultural differences.
“You, go and do likewise” Luke 10:37
Christ commands this after he relates the parable of the Good Samaritan. We are to forgive the wrongs and stereotypes others have against us and let nothing keep us from loving even those who our society deems as cultural/racial enemies.
God’s love is not limited or bound by class, skin color, social status, our inadequacies or even our sins. It is full, powerful, and amazing love, and I dedicate these realizations as the starting point that I can look back to from here on out… a reminder that It is my life’s goal to take up my Lord’s command and love Him more fully by obeying Him better.
God’s love is not limited or bound by class, skin color, social status, our inadequacies or even our sins. It is full, powerful, and amazing love, and I dedicate these realizations as the starting point that I can look back to from here on out… a reminder that It is my life’s goal to take up my Lord’s command and love Him more fully by obeying Him better.
I fully plan, by God’s grace and help, to pursue a life that passionately follows God’s heart and pursues deeper understanding, acceptance and growth, working lovingly alongside those who God places me with (1 Corinthians 13). I plan to try my very best to stand firm in the Lord and not move, despite how much flak I get from those around me. I plan to pursue unity rather than cause more division.
My prayer is that my heart would be broken by the things that break the heart of God, that He would empower me “to go and do likewise” by loving others as best as I can despite all differences, and that He would give me the courage to stand.
Praise God that He will have mercy when I fail, pick me up when I fall, and continue to teach me and grow me up in love. I will remain, expectant and awaiting what the Lover of my Soul has to say and wants to do with my life.
Thank you very much for bearing with me and listening, now perhaps some of you can understand a bit more why I have reacted in certain situations as I have, or even better understand the mindset and convictions I am now trying to live my life out of :).
This issue has become very near and dear to my heart,
if you want to know more about it, or have any questions about the whole thing,
or even just more about my own personal experience,
I would be more than happy to talk!
This issue has become very near and dear to my heart,
if you want to know more about it, or have any questions about the whole thing,
or even just more about my own personal experience,
I would be more than happy to talk!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Welcome to My Blog :)
Hello world, or should I rather say “limited audience who may possibly stumble across this miniscule blog”. I’ve never really had a reason to start my own blog, because I’ve never felt like I had something big enough or of enough importance to put it out there to such a broad audience.
Lately that has all changed, and I feel I have been learning things in my years of college so far that are too amazing and legit to just let them remain unspoken in my heart.
I’ve also realized that the idea of me not having important enough things to say has just been foolish on my part. I’m a full, wholehearted, passionate believer in and daughter of Christ, and there is a world in need of hope, in need of clarity, in need of some perspective. I may have nothing to say, but God has plenty to, and I don’t intend to wait and remain silent until the very rocks themselves must cry out.
Therefore, ye be warned! ;) I’m just kidding… yet in another sense I’m not. I’m usually a fairly light-hearted person, but my intention for this blog is to post serious things, spiritual things, and academic things, things that truly matter to the existence of this little world that we live in. So, if you’re looking for pretty pictures of dresses, fashion, and cute little plushy animals, you probably won’t find them on here for at least a while… (unless they somehow relate, which may in fact be possible…)
This blog is about the brokenness.
About the depth of destruction that exists in this world.
About how these things are being mended in you, me, and the broader world through a loving God.
About the encouragement and hope that can yet be found because of God’s constant work of calling back to Himself the things that were far and Mending.
Lately that has all changed, and I feel I have been learning things in my years of college so far that are too amazing and legit to just let them remain unspoken in my heart.
I’ve also realized that the idea of me not having important enough things to say has just been foolish on my part. I’m a full, wholehearted, passionate believer in and daughter of Christ, and there is a world in need of hope, in need of clarity, in need of some perspective. I may have nothing to say, but God has plenty to, and I don’t intend to wait and remain silent until the very rocks themselves must cry out.
Therefore, ye be warned! ;) I’m just kidding… yet in another sense I’m not. I’m usually a fairly light-hearted person, but my intention for this blog is to post serious things, spiritual things, and academic things, things that truly matter to the existence of this little world that we live in. So, if you’re looking for pretty pictures of dresses, fashion, and cute little plushy animals, you probably won’t find them on here for at least a while… (unless they somehow relate, which may in fact be possible…)
This blog is about the brokenness.
About the depth of destruction that exists in this world.
About how these things are being mended in you, me, and the broader world through a loving God.
About the encouragement and hope that can yet be found because of God’s constant work of calling back to Himself the things that were far and Mending.
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